Back in business thanks to a government bailout.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008


More links from the OMOM...check out the man himself on backing vox at the 5:45 of the best drinking tunes ever.

AMERICAN DOG Live in France

Kudos to the O.M.O.M. for giving me the link to this. Huge crowds greeted the Dog on their recent tour of France and the O.M.O.M. says American Dog just kicked serious ass. Here they are doing a Blue Oyster Cult cover.


Another apology to start the day....the quality of the blog, what little quality there is, has suffered over the past few weeks. I've been busy with real life events and haven't put in the time or effort to entertain you, the audience (all 5 of you). So with April at an end, its time to turn the page and look forward to May...or as I'm calling it...Mayhem.

No, we're not dedicating the month to our local arena football team....some of our better moments have been when I've incorporated music videos into the posts. Rocktober and the S'March of Metal saw the ol' crap blog generating more traffic than any other months since we opened up for business nearly a year ago. So what can you expect from Mayhem? A little bit of everything...stuff I like, stuff I despise, and things that make you go "hmmmm." No, that doesn't mean you can look forward to posts on C+C Music Factory (tho, its possible) but I plan on digging out some obscure things, some cool things and stuff that'll make you wanna puke.

I'm hoping to land us some guest bloggers during the month of May as well....maybe get the O.M.O.M. to tell us about his trip to France...maybe TFO will give us his take on the Stanley Cup finals....Maybe Jeremiah Wright will drop in to tell us why he hates white people (in fact, I can see the Rev. Wright dropping in next week).

So that takes care of whats on tap for May......come June we'll celebrate our one year anniversary and then...well, I'll let ya know but I'm hoping for a major announcement on the future of the blog at that point. There is a project in the planning stages that will blow the minds of all who use the internet for purposes other than self pleasure.

You may remember a few weeks back we looked into raising funds for KBone so he could spend an hour with Eliot Spitzer's call girl....we topped out a $1.25 but the story has a happy ending. KBone met a chick he didn't have to pay for...he describes her as young, hot, and two-legged.....glad to hear he's not hooking up with Heather Mills. I'll send the $1.25 to KBone ASAP....should help pay for a draft beer if nothing else.

ABC, CBS, and NBC all devoted time on the network news last night to stories about Miley Cyrus's photos in Vanity Fair...yet ignored a story in the NY Times linking the networks military experts to the Pentagon. This is why network news no longer can't tell where the news ends and Access Hollywood begins. Unless she opens fire on the Virginia Tech campus, nothing Hannah Montana or Miley Cyrus does should ever be considered news.

President Bush says he knows whats causing our economic woes...the Democrats in Congress. Mind you, he had 6 years of a Republican Congress so I guess to him these problems just happened overnight. This is what happens when you elect an oilman who cuts taxes, wages a needless war, and spends money like a 15 year old girl at the mall. Bush also again came out and claimed that the solution to our high gas and oil prices is drilling in protected lands. Anyone with an IQ above 6 can tell you that the only counter to the high price of gas is to find alternative fuels and find 'em fast. A real leader would have begun this quest after the events of 9/11. If you want to crush your enemy you crush their economy. Hard to really wage a war on Islamofascism (remember that Bush coined war?) when you're signing checks over to them for oil. Be kinda like waging war on the Girl Scouts yet still buying cases and cases of Thin Mints.

I'm trying to secure financing for a porn version of Cloverfield.....

Sadly, I'm unable to attend what is sure to be a great show Saturday night.....Ace Frehley, American Dog and Karma 10 are playing the Newport. Should be a great night of rock n' roll. Ace has always been my favorite member of Kiss and its good to see him back on the road. He's got a new record due out any day now and from everything I've heard its very much in the style of his classic solo record from 1978. I'd be there but I'll be busy throwing a Bratz themed birthday party for my little Ms. BlastFurniss. I can't afford a clown so maybe I'll dress up as Ace instead.

I can't wait to go see Iron Man this weekend. I haven't been so geeked up about a flick in a long time. Everything about the movie just seems perfect. Its gonna be a good geek summer at the movies and this flick is the perfect way to kick it off. In just a couple weeks we also get a new Indiana Jones movie. Raiders of the Lost Ark was the first movie I went to see over and over at the theaters as a kid. The new Batman movie is also a must see. The latest internet rumor on that is that is running time may approach three hours. As for the Edward Norton Hulk movie...well, it has "sucks" written all over it. Here's hoping that all the comic flicks do well at the box office and we get more of them. I'd love to see Captain America done right on the big screen.

I'm off to do good deeds for my fellow man....brace yourselves...its almost Mayhem.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Back In The Saddle Again

After being heavily doped up the past few days, I've returned to conquer the world of blogdom....sorry for the lack of updates...had to get the wisdom teeth removed and then we had a death in the family so the blog was on the back burner....however, I'm rested and ready to go now and everyone who is supposed to be alive is still living so its time to get back to it...

So how 'bout this Miley Cyrus thing? Do you care as little about this scandal as much as I do? I'm so desensitized to teen celebrity scandals at this point thats its no big deal to me. I don't find the picture to be racy but I do think it was a pretty poor decision. If it helps to bring an end to Miley and Hannah Montana mania I'm all for it. If lead based paint in Hannah Montana products didn't kill off the fanbase, maybe this picture will do the trick.

Speaking of things that are dying in popularity, the producers of American Idol are very concerned over their dropping ratings. Its not easy to figure out why the show isn't as popular as it used to be....the novelty has worn off, the show is filled with untalented contestants and the public is burned out on it. Factor in that recent winners have had little success in moving product and its obvious that its a show in its dying phase. To that I can only say, Thank God!

The Iran movie industry has decided to take on Jesus.....In Islam Jesus is considered to be a prophet but is not the son of God. The filmmaker says he hopes that Christians who view the film will come away realizing that they've been lied to. I didn't even know they made movies in Iran. I guess I should go and rent Honey I Shrunk Mohammad next time I'm in Blockbuster.

I continue to believe we are doomed...McCain and Clinton want to have a gas tax savings to us? About 5 bucks each. Of course, no gas tax means no money to fix the roads and bridges in this country. I've never seen so many potholes in my life. Uncle Sam can keep my gas tax money and put it to use fixing the roads and saving my car's suspension. The government starts sending out its incentive checks this week. I have mixed feelings on those...on the one hand, I could really use the money. My car needs new tires and shocks (thanks to the potholes) but I hate to see the national debt swell any larger. Anyone who thinks these checks are gonna save our economy is an idiot....President Bush...I'm looking at you.

Dee Snider was on the Howard Stern Show this morning. He may not be the best singer or songwriter ever but Dee is one of the coolest dudes in the history of rock.

How does a guy keep his kid in shackles in a basement for 20 plus years and not have anyone notice? What kind of sick, f'd up world do we live in?

In closing, let me sing the praises of Vicodin...has there ever been a better narcotic? If I were to develop a prescription drug addiction I think I would choose to be addicted to Vicodin. It asks nothing from you yet gives so much numbing comfort in return. If I could I'd have Vicodin in candy dishes all over my house.

Thats all I have time for today....I'll do better tomorrow

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Why Wisdom Teeth?

Ever go see a movie that's been hyped beyond belief and walk out of the theater thinking "boy, that sure sucked ass!" Well, the same phrase applies to my much dreaded but not as bad as I expected wisdom tooth removal today. The build up and anxiety to the event was worse than the actual removal (bottom two pulled, top two cut out). I was cracking jokes in the recovery room..."How ya feelin' Mr. Furniss?" says the nurse "Frisky...can you close the door please? My wife is in a good mood right now..." "Oh, Mr. Furniss, we need to keep this door open!" At least she had a sense of humor (and I didn't say they were funny jokes..just that I made them....but a sense of humor and a strong libido just minutes after 4 teeth yanked says a lot about my character...and my sex drive).

Since its late in the day and the usual crew probably isn't reading this today..just a couple quick hits....

Miley Cyrus is now worth a billion dollars.....yet Sam's Club and Costco are limiting shoppers to 4 bags of rice due to a grain shortage....what do these things have in common? They are two signs of the coming apocalypse. You know we're doomed if Air Supply has a hit single...that is the final sign.

Couches beware....Tom Cruise is coming back to visit Oprah again. I gotta tell ya, I used to like Cruise...I think Born on the 4th of July is one of the war movies ever (sure its not really a battle flick but name a better one that outlines the costs war has young men) and I love Minority Report and War of the Worlds. But he's just such a goof ball and I have a hard time distancing that weirdo from his characters. Same thing has happened to me with Mel Gibson. I tried watching the Patriot yesterday and I swore I heard Mel call Lord Cornwallis a kike.

Why is Microsoft forcing us all to go from XP to Vista? For the same reason a dog licks its balls...because it can.

I'm thinking of organizing the first BlastFurniss field trip...August 16th...just outside of Pittsburgh PA....its the Metal event of a lifetime...Heaven and Hell (aka Sabbath with Dio), Judas Priest, Motorhead and Testament....if that doesn't sound like the ultimate bill, then you're probably sitting at home, shaving your body hair and praying to your useless god for Air Supply to reunite.

That's all I've got today....I could do more...but I'm high on Vicodin...and you should be too. Ain't no addiction like an Rx drug addiction.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Blood Brothers

This may be my last post for the rest of the to get the wisdom teeth yanked out tomorrow morning. Hoping I can utilize a new feature from Blogger that allows me to write something and then have schedule it to be posted at a later date and time. Its a shame I can't do a live blog while I'm sitting in the oral surgeon's chair....that could be interesting. Perhaps if nothing else I'll blog about the effects the pain meds are having on my brain.

I'm sure my non-Springsteen fans are sick of my Bruce related posts of the past week. You'll have to bear thru one more short one. The Boss and the E Street Band returned to the stage last night after an 8 day break. Of course, during that time the band lost founding member Danny Federici who died last Thursday after a 3 year battle with skin cancer. Last night the band took to the stage in Tampa just a day after Federici's funeral. By all accounts it was an emotional and simply amazing show. The band came out on stage together and stood in the dark as the video screens displayed pix of Danny accompanied by the song Blood Brothers. From there the band, with a spotlight on Danny's vacant spot on stage and an accordion propped near the organ, launched into Backstreets. Much to my surprise, the E Street Band played songs like Racing in the Street and 4th of July Asbury Park (Sandy) two tunes I didn't expect to show up anytime soon or at all without Danny. Pianist Roy Bittan took over Danny's spot on the accordion during Sandy with Springsteen telling him he'd better get it right as someone was watching him. As that song ended, Springsteen wiped away tears and kissed Roy on the head and the band rocked the house for the rest of the night. Its an end of an era on E Street but Springsteen and the band rolled up their sleeves and went to work. Sometimes the best way to deal with death is just go on with life.

American Dog wrapped up their tour of France yesterday. Hope to have the O.M.O.M. give us the low down on the tour when he gets back. I'm sure AD showed those Frenchies how to do it doggy style.

I know that was an obvious crack...couldn't help myself.

So Hillary Clinton wins surprise. Get ready to start saying these words "President John Fucking McCain." Not even Cleveland sports teams snatch defeat from the jaws of victory like the Democratic party does.

How bout those gas prices? Nearly $3.60 a gallon and going up. I'm not saying its getting too expensive to drive a car, but I understand the new episode of Pimp My Ride focuses on the Amish. You ain't lived till you've seen a sunroof on a buggy and a spoiler on a horse's ass.

Since I didn't have to go to work today, I stayed up late last night and watched the NHL playoffs. I gotta tell ya, the only team that has really impressed me is Pittsburgh. They look like they are playing at an entirely different level. The 2nd round is set after Philly beat the Caps in OT and San Jose took care of Calgary. I think we're looking at a Pittsburgh and San Jose Stanley Cup Final. I think Detroit will handle Colorado but I don't think they'll beat the Sharks.

Good to see C.C. Sabathia pitch like himself last night. Now if he can put a run of some solid starts together I'll be convinced he's back to form. Tribe needs him to win. Good to see the offense show up last night too in scoring 15 runs. Sure it was against KC, but a win is a win is a win.

NFL Draft is this weekend or for this Browns fan, its time to mow the yard. With no picks until the 4th round there isn't much action in the draft for me to follow. Smart move by the Dolphins to sign Jake Long, the big O-linemen from Michigan. That kid is a stud. I think there will be a lot of first round busts this year. No one really stands out to me as a must have guy.

Memo to Kelly Clarkson...stop trying so hard to be shed that American Idol image. MSNBC reports today that the first season winner confesses that she likes to walk around the house in the nude for the simple reason that she just likes to be naked. C'mon think we're gonna believe that? Go make a Paris Hilton style porn vid...then we'll believe it...go on Kelly...what are you waiting on?

I'm my wisdom teeth this time tomorrow.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Stoking the Fire of Stupidity

Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band resume their tour tonight in Tampa. This is the band's first gig since the passing of organist Danny Federici last Thursday. Federici's funeral service was conducted yesterday. Just when I thought I could not believe that the human race could get any dumber I was proven wrong. Numerous fans posted on Springsteen message boards their intention of standing across the street from the funeral home despite the home's announcement that the services were private. I don't care how many times you've seen the band or how big of a fan you are, to disrupt a private funeral service just so you can gawk at celebrities mourning their friend is just ghoulish and rude. Get a life people.

Is there anyone who honestly believes that Earth Day means anything?I keep reading about all these "green" initiatives companies are taking in honor of Earth Day but its a one day only thing. At Xmas and Thanksgiving I always promise to spend more time with relatives and friends and never end up keeping that promise. Earth Day is the same thing. The only way to save the planet is to force people to change.....the government will have to legislate the change needed to save the Earth.

The best change to make of course would be alternative fuels. $3.50 a gallon gas prices are the national average now. If President Numbskull had any stones the first thing he would have done after we were attacked on 9/11 would have been to move us off oil. Its way past time to find energy alternatives and affordable ones at that. We need a leader who is willing to take a stand for what's right. Its time to realize that in today's global economy the U.S. isn't the only player when it comes to oil. Billions of Chinese and Indians (the kind in India not the Squanto variety) are driving now too. What we need is a car that runs on body fat...god knows we have a lot of lard asses in this country that aren't doing anything but depleting our Twinkee supply.

Does anyone really care that Suri Cruise just had her 2nd birthday? Why is this a top story today on MSNBC? Lots of kids are having birthdays....and their parents are don't see them getting news coverage. Crap, I even saw a story today that David Hasselhoff is having surgery on his eye...I didn't read the story, saw the headline and that was more than I wanted to know. Plus I hear Lindsay Lohan fell off the wagon....again, I didn't read the story, the headline told me everything. At what point did news and entertainment blur? I saw a commercial this morning that Access Hollywood or Extra, can't remember which, is running a story tonight on the polygamists in Texas. Why? What's the point? What's the appeal of this story anyway? I could understand it if a movie star were involved but how is this story something that should be covered by a crappy entertainment show?

Its not only American banks paying for our loan mess....The Royal Bank of Scotland says it needs 23 billion to cover losses caused by the American banking mess. So I wonder how long it'll take for your tax dollars to bail out foreign banks.....we've already bailed out our own.

Hillary Clinton seems a shoo in to win the Pennsylvania primary today meaning this ongoing election...well, goes on. Filmmaker Michael Moore has joined the likes of Oprah, Bruce Springsteen and well me I guess in endorsing Obama. Moore took a dig at Hillary Clinton on his website saying ""Over the past two months, the actions and words of Hillary Clinton have gone from being merely disappointing to downright disgusting," he writes, saying that she has tried to "smear" Obama — "Like you were nuts. Like you were a bigot stoking the fires of stupidity."

That sums it up pretty well.....we are a nation that constantly stokes the fires of stupidity...

Monday, April 21, 2008

I'm Allergic to Spring

Glad the cold weather, snow and ice are behind us, but Spring gets harder for my sinuses to bear every year. Allergies are killing me. My eyes are watery and itchy. I can't wait to finally mow the yard for the first time. I'm sure my eyes will be swollen shut like Rocky Balboa by the time I'm done.

This time of year is when all the worlds of sports collide. You have baseball starting in the Spring, this weekend you have the NFL draft and the playoffs for hockey and basketball are under way. As much as I enjoy the NHL, there's something very wrong about a winter sport being played when temperatures are pushing 80 degrees. Still, its easy to look past that as the Stanley Cup playoffs are the greatest postseason in all of sport. I watch the NBA very little in the regular season. I find pro basketball's regular season to be less interesting than watching roadkill decompose. However, like the NHL, the NBA playoffs are exciting. It helps that the Cleveland Cavaliers are in the playoffs...without them, I probably wouldn't tune in at all.

I'm so sick of American politics. John McCain made the talk show rounds yesterday to complain about Obama happening to have once served on a board with Bill Ayers, a University of Illinois professor who was a member of the Weather Underground. Every time the Weather Underground comes up I can't stop laughing. McCain, Clinton and the media keep calling them "domestic terrorists" when the reality is they were a group of student radicals from the 60's who only managed to blow themselves up. Plus, most of them were long since pardoned, some of the members were even pardoned by Bill Clinton when he was president. I'm not sure who is the bigger idiot, the media, for selling this non story as a controversial or the American public who falls for it. This is essentially the swift boating of Obama...and I don't think its gonna work. It would make me very happy to see him win Pennsylvania tomorrow and put the Democratic primary to rest.

After assaulting his assistant and resigning on the air on April 10th, Artie Lange was back on the Howard Stern show this morning. The show was on vacation all last week and I didn't get to hear enough of the show this morning to find out why Artie decided to stay with the show. But I'm glad he did. Artie is one funny dude.

More Americans went to see that Jet Li and Jackie Chan flick over Forgetting Sarah Marshall over the weekend. This is further evidence that every time I think the American public can't have worse taste, they prove me wrong.

You know things are bad when you pay $3.22 for a gallon of gas and you're pleased with the cost.

Bill Maher was forced into an apology by the Catholic League for calling Pope Benedict a child molesting Nazi. In his apology Maher said he was making a joke and that Benedict was of course not a Nazi but a member of the Hitler youth. This is a fact. Just like its a fact that Benedict was Dick Cheney to Pope John Paul's Bush. While not a child molester, Benedict was part of the brain trust running the Catholic Church and orchestrating the coverups and payoffs. To me its a shame that Benedict wasn't at least questioned by authorities for his involvement in the scandal before he left the U.S.A. The only reason he's getting away with this is because he's the CEO of the world's largest church. If he were the head of an international daycare provider he'd have been seized the moment he landed at LaGuardia in NYC. Its pretty sad that Roman Polanski can't come into the U.S.A. yet the Pope can.

I guess the local archdiocese shouldn't count on a donation from me this year eh?

Every time I see a commercial for the Iron Man movie I get more geeked up. The more I see the commercials for Speed Racer, the worse it looks to me.

Velvet Revolver has announced plans to follow Journey's lead and look for its next singer on the internet. Do you think if they just disappeared that anyone would ever miss Velvet Revolver? With or without Scott Weiland they are sure to be always horrible.

Live Nation is set to announce a slew of summer tours today including dates for Eric Clapton, Radiohead and Kanye West or as I like to call them, 3 stooges who won't get a dime outta me.Given the state of the economy, high ticket prices along with high gas prices means low turnouts are likely for shows this summer. To give you an idea of just how bad it is out there for bands these days, Robert Plant says the only way Led Zeppelin can afford to go on the road is if Jesus can be persuaded to open up for them. Christ is holding out tho...he wants to co-headline cuz ya know Jesus doesn't open for anyone.

See ya in hell........

Friday, April 18, 2008

Now Ya See 'em, Now Ya Don't...Dan "the Phantom" Federici

Here's another version of Sandy...Danny Federici's last appearance with the E Street Band just last month in Indianapolis.

4th of July Asbury Park (Sandy)

Fans of Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band are in mourning today over the loss of organist Danny Federici. "The Phantom" as the Boss called him died yesterday at the age of 58. In a post on his website Springsteen said ""Danny and I worked together for 40 years - he was the most wonderfully fluid keyboard player and a pure natural musician. I loved him very much...we grew up together."

Danny took a leave of absence from the band after shows in Boston on November 19. That was just two weeks after I saw the band in Cleveland. Danny made one final appearance with the band in March in Indianapolis playing a couple songs during the main set and the entire encore. There was some hope he might rejoin the band for their recent West Coast swing but it was not to be.

Federici's organ and accordion were an important ingredient in the recipe for Springsteen's wall of sound. No one played with Springsteen longer than he did and he was the one member of the band that Springsteen said could turn him into a shouting mess.

Obviously, the E Street Band has cancelled its shows in Florida that were scheduled for this weekend. I wouldn't be surprised to see more dates postponed after that. Playing shows is surely the last thing on their minds right now and thats how it should be.

The music of Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band has been a loyal friend to me on life's journey. What Danny brought to the music can never be replaced. Someone else can play the organ and take his place on stage, but the Phantom will always be a part of the E Street Band.

Thanks Danny.....E Street won't be the same without you....

Thursday, April 17, 2008


With all the issues we face in this country, what does ABC News decide to ask Obama and Clinton in their debate last night? Questions on the Weather Underground. If you are unfamiliar with the Weather Underground don't feel bad. The only thing this group of 60's radicals ever managed to do was blow themselves up. But yet these were the questions thrown at the two candidates last night.

President Bush gives an interview where he admits if there is another terrorist attack in the United States it is likely to again originate in Afghanistan. You remember that country don't ya? The one that actually housed the guys that attacked the U.S.A. on September 11th 2001? The one we bombed and went to war with....only to quit before it was over to wage this meaningless war against Iraq?

A new poll by the History News Network shows that 61 percent of historians rank the Bush presidency as the worst in history. 98 percent of those say the Bush presidency has been a failure. Who are the 2 percent who think it was a success? Are these the same dentists who refuse to suggest sugarless gum to their patients? I'm guessing these would be historians who also believe man never went to the moon and the Holocaust never happened.

Bush would have earned this distinction of worst president without the war in Iraq...just take a look at today's economic news...jobless claims rose higher than expected, oil has set yet another record price and oh...your dollar is worth even less today than yesterday.

I swear to Jebus the next person who happens to ask me "Did you watch American Idol last night?" is getting kicked in the balls or ovaries.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall looks like it'll be a lot of fun. Most Judd Apatow movies are.

I can appreciate all forms of music...I don't dislike reggae but it all sounds the same to me.

Who cares about Motley Crue these days? Based on the attention their summer tour announcement is getting from music websites you'd think the Stones were going on the road and playing for free to boot. I don't care if they are touring with Buckcherry or Buck Owens corpse...Motley Crue will be lucky to play to half filled sheds this summer.

Here's another tour no one will care about..Cinderella with Warrant and Lynch Mob. YAWN. Poison's summer bill featuring Dokken and Sebastian Bach is also gonna have a hard time drawing crowds as Poison, despite years of deep discounting tix, has jacked up the price big time this summer.

Bruce Springsteen has endorsed Barrack surprise there...the Boss stumped for Kerry back in 2004....we see how that worked out.

Our friends in American Dog unleash hell on France today...knock 'em dead boys.

Now that Barry Bonds has been excommunicated from MLB, I think Sean Avery of the NHL's NY Rangers has become the player I hate the most. Because of his actions of face guarding Marty Brodeur of the NJ Devils the other day, the NHL was forced to rewrite its rule book to prohibit actions like Avery's. Avery is pro sports version of the kid in grade school who went out of his way to taunt other kids "I'm not touching you...look I'm not touching" Where the hell is Bob Probert to kick this guys ass when you need him?

C.C. Sabathia is fat and lost. Last year's AL Cy Young winner looks like he's pitching BP out there. Get it together ya fat bastard.

That's all I've got today...hey, it beats yesterday's post...there wasn't one!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Happy Tax Day

Its April 15th Tax Day...big whoopity do....I don't understand the media hype over this every year. If you wait till the last minute to file your taxes, you're a flaming idiot....its really as simple as that. Leave it to the media to celebrate putting crap off till the last minute. Its like people who wait to do their Xmas shopping on December 24th. Christmas falls on the same damn day every damn year yet they always put some reporter out in the malls and big box scores to talk to the nimrod who waited until the last minute. Here's a news story I wanna see...have a reporter ask these people who wait till the last minute to file if they are under a shrink's care.

So the world's most famous supporter of pedophiles, Pope Benedict said today as he left for the U.S. that he was "ashamed" of the clergy molestation scandal that rocked his church. The Pope says he doesn't understand what lead these priests to abuse their charges....Hmm...gee your Holiness....could it have anything to do with the way you, your predecessor and all the bishops chose to ignore the issue for moved priests around to different areas and lead cover ups in lieu of having these leeches prosecuted. The Catholic Church is the McDonald's of pedophiles....they abuse children like McDonald's makes people fat. If a chain of day care centers did what the Catholic Church did the government would have shut them down. Benedict ougtha be arrested while he's in the States and held accountable for the sins of his church.

Can we just get the presidential election over with already? I can't believe we have nearly 7 more months of this nonsense to deal with. As much as I've enjoyed HBO's John Adams mini-series its at times painful to watch when you realize the idiots we're stuck with in this election. Believe it or not, at one point honorable men actually occupied the White House.

Oil set a new record price today...$113 a barrel. Local gas prices are now around $3.45 a gallon. We'll hit 4 bucks by Memorial Day easy. Gonna be a real damper on those summer drives to weekend getaways. More bad economic news..inflation rose 1.1%. Oh and more homes are being foreclosed on...foreclosure notices jumped 57% in March (this is compared to the number of notices in March of last year)...bout the only booming industry is probably in alcohol and illegal drugs. Gotta find some way to deal with all this bad news. How can a poor man stand such times and live...sober?

The Titanic sunk 96 years ago today. If I could time travel I'd probably go back and try to prevent them from hitting the iceberg. Not because of all the lives lost...just would have spared us that god awful movie and the even worse Celine Dion song.

I've got nothing else to say....I'm off to throw spoiled veggies at the Pope.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Mama Said Knock You Out

By now I'm sure everyone has seen the home video footage of a group of teen age girls in Florida smacking around one of their "friends" for talking trash about them on MySpace. The usual reaction is one of horror..."Oh my god, what has happened to todays's kids? What is wrong with our children...the world is so violent." PUKE. Here's a thought...maybe the girl deserved to get her ass kicked.

Work with me here people...I'm not an advocate of violence but kids have been fighting with other kids since the dawn of man. Kids have also been running their mouths about other kids since then too. The only reason anyone is talking about this is because someone was stupid enough to put the beat down on video tape. No fuss. I always advise those who are going to commit an assault or any other crime to NOT RECORD IT.

Is society gonna be better off with these girls behind bars in an adult prison? NO. I'm not an advocate of teen posses going around beating up their classmates but lets face it, life is a series of ass kickings. In today's age where every kid is special, every kid deserves a ribbon and a cell phone...this incident should be looked at as a life lesson for the parties involved. If it leads to one kid being less of a narcissist, I'm all for it.

Having said that..if it were MY kid getting their butt kicked, I'm sure I'd feel differently.....Perhaps the best thing to come out of this videotaped teenage catfight is that its got Dr. Phil in hot water again. TMZ reported that one of Dr. Phil's production staff posted $33,000 bail to get one of the girls outta jail. Bail was paid on one condition....the girl's story now becomes a Dr. Phil exclusive. Here's my solution to this whole issue..invite all 8 girls on to Dr. Phil's show...broadcast it live in primetime and let the girls beat Dr. Phil to death live on national tv. The girls in turn receive a full pardon.

A few quick hits for Monday:

Health care provider Aetna has selected Magic Johnson as its new corporate spokesperson....think about that...a health care company has asked a fat guy with HIV to be its spokesperson. Doesn't that choice sum up the health care industry perfectly?

Bret Michaels picked Ambre to be his Rock of Love. Bret seemed pretty torn up in choosing between Ambre and Daisy. I wonder if his wig had a say in the decision?

Barrack Obama is in trouble for saying that rural Pennsylvanians prefer guns and religion to dealing with the "real" issues they are facing...hmmm...I don't know about you but I don't see what the big deal is...these are people who are more likely to be watching Hee Haw (is that even on?) then Meet the Press.

Watched There Will Be Blood over the weekend. Fantastic flick. Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story was pretty bad as was We Own the Night.

Made the mistake of watching Saturday Night Live...someone please explain the appeal of Ashton Kutcher?

Why does the media make a big fuss over 400 kids getting molested by a whacky Mormon offshoot group, yet celebrates the visit of the Pope? I mean thousand of Catholic kids have been molested by clergy and you don't hear anyone talking about that.

I'm off to beat me some kids.....have a good Monday.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Rock n' Roll Suicide

Can you believe it was 14 years ago this week that Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain blew his brains out? Time flies. I never bought into the media hype that Cobain was the John Lennon of his generation. I always thought people became legends organically....Cobain's coronation to legend status seemed to be pushed by MTV and Rolling Stone.....I didn't have much use for grunge. To me there has to be some joy in rock...grunge was all wrapped in flannel and angst and that gets old quickly. Plus, when a guy starts to whine publicly about his fame, I have no use for them.

I remember when Cobain died my reaction was one "well, that didn't take long." I wasn't the least bit surprised. It seemed to be the way his story was supposed to end. While I didn't mourn Cobain's passing in the least, I did feel bad for his bandmates, his daughter and for Neil Young...yes Neil Young. It was Young's lyrics of "better to burn out then fade away" that Cobain quoted in his suicide note. That reference really seemed to rattle Young and he had to exorcise his Cobain demons in his own music.

To me, Nirvana is just a band that Dave Grohl happened to be in before he formed the Foo Fighters. Nirvana's best known work, Nevermind, sounds incomplete to me. Its not as full a record as say Appetite for Destruction. Every song on Appetite still gets radio airplay...Nevermind has been reduced to Teen Spirit. Time has reduced Cobain to a blip in the history of pop culture. Dave Grohl's influence will be felt longer than Cobain's.

Then there is the story of Jim Ellison. He would have been 44 this month. Most of you probably don't even know who Ellison was. He was the leader of Chicago power pop band Material Issue. MI produced one of the best records of the 90's International Pop Overthrow. When each subsequent follow up sold less than the previous, the band lost their major label contract. That setback, along with a busted romance, led Ellison to kill himself in June 1996.

Now that loss hit me....back in those pre-internet days I found out about Ellison's passing via an issue of Entertainment Weekly. Unlike when Cobain died, MTV didn't break in and play Material Issue videos over and over for days on end. Despite crafting so many fine power pop tunes, the only tune of Material Issue's I ever hear on Sirius is their cover of Kim the Waitress. Bloody shame too. Their music is timeless. Sadly in death, Ellison is as under appreciated as he was in life.

What is it about the city of Chicago that produces such fine power pop/rock bands? Cheap Trick, Enuff Z'Nuff and Material Issue all hail from the Chicagoland area. All 3 of them have been horribly overlooked and under appreciated. I'm considering leading a campaign to get Cheap Trick into the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame.

Which rock suicide do you think was more original? Elliot Smith stabbing himself in the heart or Brad Delp's death by grill? Delp's death was a real pisser too. I refuse to recoginize Boston without Delp. I could go the rest of my life without hearing a Boston tune but to me its Delp's voice that made that band.

A few quick hits to end the week:

My wife, who knows nothing about Motorhead, was sitting with me last night while I was watching clips of them on YouTube. Her response was "that song sounds just like the last one." Do you think that women have something genetic with their ears that prevents them from hearing how brilliant Motorhead is?

Is there anything more dull then televised golf?

I have no respect for men who wear purple...unless its Ronnie James Dio.

Finally, our pal the O.M.O.M. is leaving for Europe in a few days to join American Dog. France ain't seen an American invasion like this since the Allies stormed Normandy in 1944. Have a safe trip my friend and make sure you come back and tell us how AD ripped up the place.

Trust none of what you hear...and less of what you see...have a good weekend.

Nirvana - The Man Who Sold The World

Its odd to me that I love the Foo Fighters yet never liked Nirvana. Their MTV Unplugged performance was the only time I ever enjoyed them...and that was because of the their choice of cover tunes. Here's the best cover of a Bowie tune ever.

Material Issue - Diane

One of my all time fave bands...songs about girls, girls and more girls. Great hooks, great riffs...lot of fun.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Ghost of Tom Joad

Rage Against the Machine's Tom Morrello, joined Springsteen and the E Street Band the other night in Anaheim and this version of TGOTJ is just flat out killer. Smokin' solo from Morrello. RAM covered this tune and Morrello and the Boss have been buds ever since.

Bring the Noise

Couple vids already up today..more on the way. In a fairly decent mood today after spending Wednesday cramming for an exam and then actually having to take the exam. Eating at Chipotle was the highlight of the day.....and best of all, no one asked me if I wanted my burrito toasted.

Generalismo Bush is expected to announced today that troops due to report to Iraq on August 1st will serve 12 months "in country" instead of the current 15 month tour. This does nothing for all the troops currently in Iraq. They remain the property of the United States government and its subsidiary companies (you know 'em...Halliburton, and the rest of the gang that make up the vast military industrial complex). Do you feel that draft comin'? And is that a war drum in Iran I hear? Just you wait and see...when everyone currently in the armed forces is broken, beaten and killed, they'll reinstitute the draft to keep fighting their wars.

I guess people are sick of discovering whats in Katie Couric's's Wall Street Journal reports that negotiations are under way to buy out the rest of the not so perky anymore anchor's contract. If the deal comes to pass, the WSJ says CBS will be rid of Couric and her $15 million a year contract in January. Meanwhile, NBC blowhard Chris Matthews tells the New York Times Sunday Magazine that he thinks the suits at the network are looking to get rid of him. I've got a nice fruit basket waiting to be sent to the corporate exec at NBC that writes tht pink slip. Matthews is a blow hard and and an idiot. He and Tim Russert both should be tarred and feathered.

American Airlines flight number 815 is not boarding at Gate A....900 more flights cancelled today. That brings the total of cancelled flights since Tuesday to 2,400. Its no wonder the airline industry is in the shape its in....its run by people with the IQ' of Rock of Love contestants. Wonder how much longer before our tax dollars go once again to the corporate welfare mother known as the airlines? Let them fail....the same kind of purge hit the railroad industry in the late 19th and early 20th century and we all survived just fine.

Speaking of Rock of Love, Bret Michaels and the producers of that crap show, are being sued for breach of contract for trashing the Rock of Love house. Kind of a shame the military couldn't have tested out a new weapon and just destroyed the house when they were shooting the show. Would be a senseless waste of wigs and silicone tho....that stuff doesn't biodegrade.

NME says Guns n' Roses has finally finished the long overdue Chinese Democracy. The record has been turned into Geffen Records (didn't know they were still in business) and now all that remains is haggling over what to pay Axl. Monkeys are more likely to fly out of your ass then this record getting released anytime soon. Hey Axl, I hear Slash is looking for a singer...

Do you think the guy who invented the urinal cake was pleased with his invention? More importantly, what do you think the reaction of his wife and kids was to his discovery? I picture some mad inventor type who quits his job and spends long hours in a makeshift lab in his basement. Working all day...ignoring his wife and kids while he tries to discover something amazing. One day he hurries up the stairs and cries "Eureka! I've done it!" His excited family believing their days of poverty are over ask "what did you create father?" "A device that deadens the smell of urine in taverns, restaurants and other public restrooms!" Seriously, have you ever stopped to think who would create things like the urinal cake? The plunger I understand..but a urinal cake?

That's obviously all I've got none of what you hear...and less of what you see.

Airbourne - Too Much, Too Young, Too Fast

Thanks to TFO and OMOM for tipping me off to these guys. Old school Ac/Dc style stomp.

Rhino Bucket - Hey There

Some bands are so great you remember exactly where you heard 'em for the first time. One of my co-workers at the late Discount Records put a promo copy of Rhino Bucket's debut on in the store one day and warned me it would mock me with its brilliance. Pure kick ass rock and roll...3 chords and a cloud of dust.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Douche, Not a Douche

Generous helpings of Vicodin have dulled my rage some today. Wisdom teeth are driving me nuts...fortunately in two more weeks they'll be driven from the the American Indian, American auto industry, the Airline industry, and the Bill of Rights.

It would be easier to quiet my rage if I could do what the President does...and that is to not read the newspaper. Today's New York Times informs us that the Justice Department, which used to take down corporations who operated illegally, now has put off at least 50 prosecutions for the last three years! Instead what the Justice Department has allowed is a secret system of issuing fines to corporations who are up to no good. As part of this clandestine agreement, the guilty corporations name is kept secret. This my friends is proof there is one set of rules for the people and another for our corporate overlords.

As if the high prices at the grocery store wasn't enough of a pain, a number of farmers are electing to bypass government conservation policies (and the money that comes from not farming) in order to cash in on the profit being made from soybeans, wheat and other crops. This of course has the environmentalists up in arms. I guarantee you all this is gonna do is the wreck the land, make no change in what we pay at the grocery and set us up for another Dust Bowl. Welcome to corporate America...hayseed style.

Of course, the media continues to hammer home such stories as the evacuation of 400 people from the lunatic Mormon sect and the Olympic torch coming to San Francisco. If there is any city that can appreciate something flaming, its San Francisco. Their city flag features an eagle in assless leather chaps. If this administration honestly believed in regime change or advocated human rights it would boycott the Beijing Olympics in protest of the Chinese government. Of course, since the United States no longer believes in human rights, we won't say a word. The U.S.A. and China...brothers in waterboarding, commerce and all forms of torture.

Gotta put the headlines down....

God I feel old...can you believe Joan Jett is 50?

The first full length Flight of the Conchords record is out on April 22nd. Their show will return to HBO in January...sigh..2009. James McMurtry's new record comes out on tax day, April 15th. McMurtry's only scheduled Ohio tour stop is in May in Cleveland.

Bret Michaels will decide on his latest Rock of Love this weekend. Will it be young, inked, and fugly Daisy or will it be old and odd Ambre? If you can't get enough of Rock of Love the first season is now out on DVD. I would insert a joke here but just the fact I mentioned Rock of Love is joke enough. I anxiously await VH1's Bong of Love with John Popper of Blues Traveller.

Someone please explain why Radiohead is so praised? I just don't get it. They are like white noise to me. I've never read a single negative word about them. They are as bland as Moby.

Those west coast baseball games play havoc with my sleeping habits. Tribe came back to win one last night. Bout damn time.

Its the curse of Dan Rather....CBS is laying off 160 news employees in 13 cities. The network, once known as THE news operation, is also negotiating a deal with CNN to share resources. Is there anyone under the age of 65 that still relies on the nightly network newscasts?

When did McDonalds get rid of root beer? Went thru the drive thru last night, asked for a root beer and the tard on the speaker says "Um....we don't HAVE root beer" It was like I'd ordered a Happy Ending meal...burger, fries, drink and a rub and tug. McDonalds has now been eliminated from my life. I'll miss them more then they miss me.

Finally,here's a new feature I wanna try out...I throw out some names and then label them accordingly: douche, not a douche, giant douche

Jay Leno: giant douche

Adam Sandler: not a douche but exhibits douche like acting skills

John McCain:giant, old, scary douche

Hillary Clinton: queen of the douche

Pope Benedict: Holy douche

Alex Rodriguez: overpaid giant douche

Barrack Obama: borderline douche

Joe Lieberman: jew, douche....jewche

Which reminds me of a great joke...what do you call a jewish woman's boobs? JOOBS.

Sean Combs:Diddy Douche

Starbucks Customers: Grande Douche Latte

Wow...looks like on this first go around, nearly everyone is a douche. Have a swell day.

The Flairs - Sorry for Lovin' You

American Dog is off to Europe next week and I see the opening act is the Flairs. I guess this is them. How many groups called the Flairs can there be?

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Black Crowes on Letterman - Jealous Again

Their network tv debut on the old Late Night with David Letterman. The brothers Robinson just freakin' rock. Letterman was an early supporter of the band and has made sure to make the Crowes regular guests on the show over the years.

John Lennon-Working Class Hero

This song seems to fit my mood. One of John Lennon's greatest lyrics. "Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV
And you think you're so clever and class less and free
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see
A working class hero is something to be"
When I hear John Lennon, and I'm not talking about that overrated Double Fantasy shite, I get pissed off at Mark David Chapman for ending Lennon's life. I wouldn't wish the same fate upon Paul McCartney mind you (after all he got his from Heather Mills) but surely Say,Say,Say was a much greater crime than anything John ever did with Yoko.

The Little Guy Always Finishes Last

Warning...Today's blog post contains subject matter that may offend CEO's, politicians, non-smokers and the grotesquely obese. By reading past this point you are waiving your right to file legal action against BlastFurniss and its subsidiary companies including but not limited to:American's are Fat, Lazy, and Stupid.Inc,, and the CHUBB Group.

As if consumers weren't being gouged enough at the gas station and grocery store, now comes word that credit card companies like Discover, have been finding new ways to stick it to us. If you go over your credit limit, Discover will charge you a $39 fee and bump up your interest rate to boot. The kicker in all this is the credit card companies allow you to go over your credit limit by as much as 10 percent! This is a prime example of why I avoid credit cards like the plague...well that and my credit is so wrecked that no one wants to give me one. Congress is paying lip service to the issue but something needs to be done to protect the American public from these vultures....Take a look at these numbers that I lifted from corporate giant MSNBC...."A consumer with a $10,000 balance and a 15 percent interest rate who pays the minimum payment each month would pay $2,800 in a year and still owe $8,598 on that balance. But a consumer paying 31 percent interest would have to cough up $4,047 to meet minimum balance payments during that same 12 months, and yet would fall farther behind, with a remaining balance of $8,891.54." With an economy already dealing with a mortgage crisis, recent news that the delinquent auto loans are at a 16 year high, credit card delinquencies seem like the next domino to fall. After money is on student loans.'re probably asking why all the economy talk today? Well for starters, I really had nothing else to talk about today and most importantly I feel it my civic duty to remind you, my friends and loyal readers of one very important fact....We Are All Doomed! We have had the misfortune to come in at the end of the American dream. Where is the outrage? Where is the accountability? We should be marching down Wall Street and dragging CEO's thru the streets. Until the American people rise up our leaders will continue to bury their heads in the sand and do exactly what they are doing now...nothing. As long as the American government remains in the pocket of corporate America, the consumer will continue to be emasculated.

Of course, I know better than to expect my fellow Americans to rise up in revolution....we'll do what we always do...we'll take our anti-depressants, go to Starbucks, and watch Dancing With The Stars....Worrying about Social Security, the National Debt, the never ending War in Iraq, the health care crisis, gun violence....its too upsetting and takes too much energy. Instead, lets pay attention to all those poor children who were trapped with those wacky Mormons!

Want further proof of how f'd up our country is? 2 Neighbors in New York City just settled a lawsuit in which neighbor sued the other for smoking....behind their own door. When we are able to file lawsuits complaining about what someone else does behind their own closed doors we are most assuredly DOOMED. Is someone gonna sue me cuz I'm eating fatty foods ? "Your honor, I'm obese and I try diet after diet...I've done Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig and Deal a Meal but I can't lose anything...still I try...yet Mr. Furniss is helping to make me fat cuz I see Pizza Hut at his house once a week and the pizza just looks so good I can't maintain my diet so its all Mr. Furniss's fault that I'm a lazy, greasy fat tub of goo! I'm powerless to control myself and Furniss the pizza addict is to blame!"

Now I've gone and got my blood pressure all up....guess I'd better go watch Kathy Lee Gifford host the 4th hour of Today....that oughta give me the inevitable stroke and finish me off for good.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Liam Finn- Second Chance

Left of Center on Sirius is playing the hell out of this new Liam Finn cd. The son of Crowded House leader Neil Finn (and thus the nephew of Split Enz founder Tim Finn) appears to have inherited his famous relatives gift for crafting fine pop records. If there were any justice in the world, this kid would sell millions of records and be a huge star.

From My Cold Dead Hands

RIP Charlton Heston....dude was one of my fave actors as a kid...Planet of the Apes, Soylent Green, the Omega Man...its an insult to guys like Heston to tag someone like Jude Law as a movie star. They don't belong in the same category. I may not have agreed with Heston's politics (in fact, I snuck into his room and took his rifle from his cold dead hands) but at least he stood up for his beliefs. If it weren't for him I'd still be eating Soylent Green (Soylent Green is people!). Hopefully TCM runs a Heston marathon soon...I'd like to see El Cid or Touch of Evil again. With Heston's passing, the title of America's greatest living actor now passes to *sigh* Steve Guttenberg......

I know what you're thinking...a month long tribute to Heavy Metal and now I've posted the new R.E.M. video....For about an 11 year run R.E.M. made some of the most vital records. They remain the biggest band Indie rock has ever produced. Their new record "Accelerate" is just killer. Its the best thing they've done since drummer Bill Berry left. Its tight, focused and rocks. In this day and age where so many veteran bands get tossed aside for the flavor of the month or just trot out the greatest hits, its nice to see a band who has nothing to prove decide that they want to kick ass. So good for them....

Dumbest thing anyone has said to me in a while..."Hey, that looks like a bowling shirt that you're wearing!" Thats because it is a bowling shirt you moron.

Your Columbus Blue Jackets wrapped up another disappointing season yesterday by doing what else? Losing. Again. The Jackets are expected to have as much as $20 million to spend on free agents in the off-season...good luck with that. This team is as likely to make the playoffs next year as I am to raise $5500 for KBone's high class hooker. Based on how inept the Jackets have been, its safe to say the city of Columbus is still in search of its first professional sports team.

I love baseball...I could watch it every day...but man those Sunday night ESPN games wear me out. Joe Morgan is even more annoying than Tim McCarver is on Fox. Its pretty sad that due to women's college basketball ESPN moved Sunday Night baseball over to ESPN 2.

New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez will make 28 million bucks this year or 7 million more than the entire Florida Marlins roster. For those of you interested in such things, ARod's 28 mill will pay for 5,090 hours of entertainment with Eliot Spitzer's hooker.

Browns defensive back Kenny Wright was arrested for pot possession, evading arrest and other acts of stupidity. A football player committing crimes isn't anything new...what concerns me is he fled police on foot....and they caught him. If you're a defensive back in the NFL you should be able to win a foot race against a donut eating cop in Kevlar. The Browns need to jack this douche out of tard school now.

I've said it once and I'll say it again...HBO's John Adams is the finest miniseries ever made. Can't wait to snag it on DVD.

Enjoyed a marathon of Cops on G4 Saturday. Wasn't as much fun as their Ninja Warrior marathons but since all the episodes were from the early 90's it was nice to see the mullets and fades that were so in vogue among the criminal element back then. Just as entertaining were the number of "as seen on tv" ads. Food storage devices made of space age polymers, garden shears that can cut thru a human skull and a handy dandy electronic device that you can record your grocery list on (cuz handwriting is so 20th century). I must have been in the right frame of mind cuz I was ready to order all of it.

The Los Angeles Times has been forced to retract a recent story that claimed Sean "Puff Daddy er..P Diddy" Combs was a player in the death of Tupac Shakur. I thought they were pushing it when they said P Diddy was also the man on the grassy knoll at Dealey Plaza.

I think what the world needs now is a Stray Cats reunion. Brian Setzer is one of the most under appreciated players in rock.

We need the person responsible for greenlighting a remake of Short Circuit and have him tarred and feathered.

Same penalty applies for the person responsible for the New Kids on the Block reunion. Who are their special guests? Boys II Men? Debarge? the Jets? New Edition? Caucasian please...go back into obscurity where you belong.

Oh and please take Velvet Revolver and dead man walking Scott Weiland with you on your way out..Thanks....

R.E.M. - Supernatural Superserious

I admit it...I love R.E.M....even tho their last few records have been, well, dull. The new one, Accelerate, is an instant classic. Plus, its only 35 minutes filler, all killer...or something like that.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Hey Hey Its the Weekend

Sorry for the lack of a post yesterday. After spending hours on the phone with D-Link tech support in India working on my router issues, I didn't want to get near an PC yesterday. I took the day off from work, watched baseball, read, ate a lot and enjoyed life for a change. I trust you all survived the day without my not so witty asides.

Big change in store for Columbus radio? Could be....WBZX, better known as 99.7 The Blitz, is running some kind of recorded loop saying " "Please stand by. Your radio station is rebooting." That reboot should happen at 5pm today. The reboot will be a format change...but how drastic of one I've not been able to learn. The Blitz is a sponsor of the Rock on the Range show in Columbus next month so I can't imagine they are doing anything too drastic. I stopped listening to the Blitz when they dumped Howard Stern a couple months before his departure for Sirius. Now that I have Sirius I have no reason to listen to them at all. I found their format limited and their air talent tired. Terrestial radio and rock radio in particular, are dead. Good riddance to the Blitz.

For the first time ever, more people are getting their music from ITunes then they are at Wal Mart and other brick and mortar stores. As I've said many a time, the death of pre-recorded music is upon us.

A New York Times/CBS News Poll indicates 81% of Americans think the country is going in the wrong direction. The other 19% are delusional. The unemployment rates is up to 5.1 % after 80,000 jobs were cut last month. Third month in a row where unemployment rose. It ain't gonna stop till it hits double digits either people. We are all doomed....of course, you wouldn't know it by the media coverage...All anyone wants to talk about today is the 40th anniversary of the assassination of MLK. I think a better way to honor the memory of Dr. King would be to wipe out poverty....Maybe the media could help with that instead of spending time and energy focusing on his death. Either way Ann Curry gets to act overly grim covering the story.

But hey on the bright side, those tax rebate checks are coming out in a few weeks. If you're like me, and god help you if you are, that money is already spent. Sorry Dubya, no shopping for me...I have bills to pay.

That being said..I'm hoping to spend a few bucks of it on Foo Fighters tickets...which thank Jebus, are moderately priced.

The media is also trying to cause a stir by dragging up the "Obama is a smoker" stories again. Who gives a rats ass if he smokes if he has a plan to save the planet, feed the hungry, provide health care, create jobs and ends the war? He can smoke 50 packs a day out of his behind for all I care if he fixes those issues. is no longer allowed to ask its customers if they are straight or gay. Violates Fair Housing laws to do so. Ya know its one thing to use the intergoogle to find someone to bone er date, but to use the internets to find a roommate? If you are that much of a loser you deserve to live alone or in your parents basement.....or with a leather clad, assless chaps wearing, Judy Garland loving, show tunes singing, FLAMING, homosexual.

Speaking of leather clad gay men...Rob Halford and Judas Priest appear set to be part of a bill featuring headliner Heaven and Hell aka Sabbath with Dio.....Priest will occupy the middle slot of the tour following opener Motorhead! Sounds like a killer bill even if all the acts have a total age of 4,000 years. Whats the deal with the cell phone commerical featuring the Jack Black wannabe wearing a Motorhead tee and singing the Ace of Spades? I'm always happy for Lemmy and company to get some free publicity but c'mon, did the advertising agency actually think Motorhead has a huge following among cell phone users?

Have lots of money and a big back yard? Geauga Lake is auctioning off a roller coaster built in 1925.

I have absolutely nothing planned for the weekend and that makes me very happy.....Make yours a good one and if it isn't, club a hobo with a hammer.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I Hate My PC...and Lots of other stuff too

I need a new computer. I don't want to spend the money...but I need one. Its old...Its clunky...but its paid for. Did a software update on my router and now everything is funked up. So now I get to hammer away trying to solve that mystery....or call tech support in Bangladesh and wind up even more frustrated.

I'm so sick of this Presidential Election. I'm really starting to HATE them all. John McCain was on Letterman last night and I avoided it like the plague. Why would anyone even want to run for President? The media hammers you on the most asinine issues.

I hate Wal Mart. I hate how it chews up and spits out its competitors and employees. I hate the way it smells in there. I hate when I have to go in there to make a purchase.

I hate that I can't afford the MLB Extra Innings tv package. Then I hate myself for getting worked up over a luxury like that when there are people starving.

I hate that in this nation of fat asses that people are still hungry.

I hate when Subway asks me "do you want that sub toasted?" I always want to replay "No thanks, do you want your face busted open?"

I hate when I order something and they offer me something else I don't want. The other day I was offered a bowl of hot broccoli and cheese soup...when I called to order a pizza! Antacids I could understand..but soup?

I hate anyone who talks to me about OSU's Spring football practices. Who cares? Its as meaningless as watching the NIT....where is the drama in proving you're the 66th best team in the nation.

I hate that we can't cure diseases anymore. I saw on the news the superintendent of a school district nearby is leaving his job at the age of 36 due to ALS. Lou Gehrig died over 60 years ago and we still can't beat this thing.

I hate that the economy of the country is falling apart and I don't see a damn thing being done about it. The latest news today is now auto loans are suffering the same fate as mortgages. Even Stevie Wonder could see that credit cards will be the next thing hit.

I hate that we've spent a trillion dollars on this war in Iraq. That's money that could have paid off the national debt.

I hate that I'm paying $14 a month for satellite radio and can't find a song I wanna listen to.

I hate the New York Yankees, Dallas Cowboys, LA Lakers, and Montreal Canadiens and all they stand for.

I hate this guy in my office who interrupts conversations with topics that are way off the subject matter being discussed.

I hate anything produced by Timbaland, Disney, or VH1.

I hate Oprah, Rachel Ray, Martha Stewart and Tyra Banks.

I hate beauty pageants, reality tv and Dennis Miller. I hate prime time game shows. I hate Drew Carey on the Price is Right. I hate the idea of a Celebrity Rehab. I hate cute media nicknames like "Brangelina." I hate Ann Curry and Julie Chen. I hate that fat cop sitting in for Monica Day on my local morning news show. I hate the fact that I know Monica Day is away at the Ms. USA pageant.

I hate that a talented band like Cheap Trick is reduced to a 30 minute slot on a package tour with Heart and sigh Journey. I hate that anyone cares who the next American Idol is or who will be champion of Dancing with the Stars.

I hate take and bake pizzas. What's next? Take and grill burgers? Take and milk cows?

Man...I really hate a lot of things and haven't even scratched the surface yet. Maybe all this hate means I need therapy..but then I hate therapists.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Tuesday April 1 With Evil Larry

The Furniss has become a lazy tub o'goo...first he has the O.M.O.M. writing his blog and now he's turned it over to me. Oh and O.M.O.M.? You aren't so old. I have dingleberries older than you.
I had the best dream last night. I was snorting Garlique off of the naked bodies of Chelsea and Hillary Clinton.
I bet when Abe Lincoln sees Barry Obama he's proud of himself for freeing the negroes. I wonder if he feels the same way when he sees Jay Z?
Whats with all the Japs in major league baseball? Didn't we bomb those people for a reason? Plus who can take a guy by the last name of Wang seriously? Can't you just hear the PA guy going "stepping into the box....Wang!" or "Wang goes deep!" or my favorite "2 balls on Wang"
I would enjoy American Idol more if they didn't send the losing contestants home but instead butchered them live on tv and fed them to Randy Jackson.
For my money, you'll be hard pressed to ever top Jeffery Dahmer's killing spree.
John McCain tells me that what he missed most when he was a POW in Vietnam were the teenage prostitutes he used to frequent with in Saigon. The Senator from Arizona says the only war flashbacks he ever has is when he thinks back to the 12 year old hookers he enjoyed so much.
What's the deal with all these teachers in Tampa nailing their students? I expect this sorta behavior in Catholic schools but in public schools paid for by tax dollars? How is this activity any different than what the Governor of New York did? Did you see the nose on that whore?
I'm hoping Andy Rooney falls and breaks his leg so we can put him down. Hey's about spending a few minutes trimming your eyebrows!
Jay Leno's chin is bigger than the average male sex organ.
There's nothing I enjoy more than an enema from a redheaded woman.
Did you hear Rob Halford of Judas Priest is getting his own cooking show? Tossing Salad with Rob Halford is coming to the Logo channel....Bruce Springsteen tells me he was so happy with his tribute to Pete Seeger that his next record is a tribute to Bob Seger called Like A Rock: The Seger Sessions. ...John Mellencamp says his next project is a concept album on cars...some of the songs are F.O.R.D. in the USA, Chrysler the King, Rain on the Chevy, and Dodge Ball.
I've never met anyone I've wanted to beat with a baseball bat more than Billy Joel.
Not enough celebrities die in airplane crashes these days. If the FAA cared about the American people the next time the cast of Two and a Half Men got on a planet together they'd crash in the Pacific Ocean.
Heh...Two and Half Men...Reminds me of the night that Me, Sinatra, and the midget from Fantasy Island smoked opium and filled Mia Farrow out like an application.
My solution to the immigration problem is to give Texas back to Mexico and then level the place with napalm. Nothing cures a problem like the healing power of fire.
Has there ever a sport more gay than wrestling? Its like a demonstration of the gay Kama Sutra out there.
Have you ever noticed that George W. Bush looks a lot like Cornelius in Planet of the Apes?
Speaking of Bush, his boy Dick Cheney has shot more people in the face than Peter North.
I think if Thomas Jefferson were alive today he'd wanna get with Beyonce.
I think if Paris Hilton announced she had ass cancer I'd cry tears of joy.
I think I'm outta time....gotta go meet up with Don Rickles to play cards, snort blow and insult Bob Newhart till he cries like the bitch that he is.