Back in business thanks to a government bailout.

Friday, June 13, 2008

That's All Folks

There are 117 million blogs on the of today, this one will no longer be updated (Que chorus of cheers).....As I've mentioned previously, I'm not leaving the internets. The legendary O.M.O.M. has graciously allowed me the opportunity to partner with him in the re-launch of his website, From Out of Nowhere ( We have big plans for the site and look forward to entertaining, informing, and making you poop your pants from laughter. We hope to be your source for music news, commentary, artist interviews, and reviews. We're gonna have some really interesting regular features and columns plus you'll be dazzled by the O.M.O.M.'s visual, videos and balloons for the kiddies. It all comes your way mid July so be there or be flogged with a Trixter cd.

This blog, like the 117 million other ones on the intergoogle, came to be for one reason and one reason only.....I have a huge ego and demand that you pay attention to me at all times. Despite my rather inflated opinion of self, I was amazed that the blog attracted as much traffic as it did. I did little to advertise other than occasionally ask friends and acquaintances the dreaded question "have you seen my blog?" Thanks to Google's ability to spy on anyone, anywhere in the world, I've learned that this blog has been read all around the world....I don't know whether to be flattered or horrified because I always thought people outside of the U.S.A. had better taste than my hopes for the rest of the world have dashed by their consumption of my grade D humor.

The posts that generated the most traffic were the ones about music....I think the two things people surf the 'net for the most are things to touch themselves to and music. I sure hope no one their Elmo while reading my blog cuz if they did, they need serious help. An early post on why Def Leppard sucks offended Americans, Brits, Canadians, Aussies, and Martians...that thing got picked up all over the place. For some reason, this March saw more traffic than any other month....I give all the credit to the O.M.O.M. and the S'March of Metal (which was hampered by problems with YouTube). No surprise, the posts that were the least successful were those heavy on political or local content. Shockingly, some of the posts that were heavy on sports were actually picked up on other blogs....I thought those were the absolute worst and believe me there was a lot of awful crap I posted.

Let me attempt to summarize what we've learned over the past year together: Def Leppard sucks, some bands are so awful that they should be exterminated, big business and Corporate America are the great Satan, Giada de Laurentis is mega hot, American Idol and the music industry as a whole suck, the Columbus Blue Jackets will always suck, The Cleveland Browns, Indians and Cavs will always let you down, no one cares about anything from Cincinnati, we're all going broke, George Bush is the worst president in history, the American Dream is over, we're all doomed, no team has a gayer mascot than the Pittsburgh Steelers escapee from the Village People Steely McBeam, Evil Larry loves to offend, Kiss used to be great and is now a punchline, and there is no problem in the world that can't be solved by boobs and the consumption of beer.

Thanks to all who visited daily, occasionally and even just once....come see us at From Out of Nowhere next month. You'll be glad you did.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Fun Facts

I know I said that I'd keep the blog alive thru the end of the month but I've decided to wrap it all up tomorrow.....Before I close up shop here and team up with the O.M.O.M. for the relaunch of the all new From Out of Nowhere (that', I thought I'd post some fun facts about me, life, the universe and everything...

While technically the first concert I ever saw was Sha Na Na at the Ohio State Fair, the first concert I claim was Ted Nugent on the Penetrator tour. Brian Howe, who would later go on to suck in Bad Company was the lead vocalist on that tour. Should you ever meet American Dog guitar player SteveTheado, please break out into a chorus of "Don't you want my love....." Don't hold me liable if he smacks you with his guitar. Good show...Yngwie Malmsteen and Alcatraz opened. Awful, awful band.

The first election I ever voted in was the 1988 primary. I cast my vote for Jesse Jackson. I knew even then that my vote didn't really matter.

Up until 1995 I owned every Dokken, Rainbow, Black n' Blue I own none of them.

I thought Hootie and the Blowfish would be tearing up the charts for years (no, seriously I did) with their late 20th century blend of frat rock.

There are over 300,000 fast food places across America but only one has a clean bathroom (here's a hint..its in Utah).

McDonalds distributes more toys each year than Toys R Us or Walmart combined.

I've never had cancer.

Thousands of people in the Australian census declare their religion as "Jedi."

On a jury duty form I once listed my job title as "Supervisor of Collections of souls."

Reality dating shows have been blamed for a rise in cases of "skankophobia."

The treaty that ended World War II required that all German heavy metal bands include at least 3 homosexuals.

Cellphone use is the leading cause of erectile dysfunction and male pattern baldness.

I once joined the legendary Dublin, Ireland band An Emotional Fish on stage for a blistering version of Lou Reed's Rock n' Roll....true story.

The Godz really were indeed rock n' roll machines. They were created by Issac Asimov to promote his latest short story on robots.

Dogs really can't lick their own junk.....they are actually master illusionists and they do it to freak out jealous humans.

Will Rogers once said "I never met a cat I didn't want to use for target practice."

The Secret Service's code name for Dick Cheney is "Johnny Wadd."

Pandas are discriminated against in the wild because other bears consider them to be "biracial" because of their black and white color.

The Popsicle was invented by Thomas Edison after he accidentally caught his penis in the freezer.

Now do you see why I'm shutting the blog down? Its hard to come up with nonsense like this on a daily basis....enjoy the sweltering heat.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Taken Over By WalMart

I've had a few people ask me why I'm shutting down the blog.....I guess they aren't buying the reason I gave here, which is that the O.M.O.M. and I plan to conquer the intergoogles with our unique insight and here's what I've started tellin' 'em....Walmart is runnin' me out of business. How can I compete with their blogs? They are able to get deep discount blogs from suppliers.....Their blogs are staffed by the most musically in tune, most sarcastic and cynical illegal immigrants you'll ever meet. How can the Mom and Pop blogs face such times and live? The answer is we can't....the independent blogger is being taken over one blog at a time.

Laugh if you want but there are evil forces at work with Walmart....I have a theory....unproven tho it may be, that Sam Walton's mega discount chain sprout up after he brokered a deal with the devil. In fact, Walmart has now grown so big, its actually taken over Hell. Hell is now one big Walmart Superstore....the store is stocked with stuff you don't need and the stuff you do need is out of stock and none of the employees speak a lick of English.

I hate going into Walmart....because to me, Walmart is indeed hell. The employees generally have this look on their face that says "Oh my f'ing God.....I'm working at Walmart!" Its not the kinda place that you go to if you need one thing. One day I went into buy batteries. The 900 year old greeter offers me a cart and I decline. This undead woman says to me in a voice that chilled me to the core "you'll be sorry!"

Walmart doesn't want you to buy one wants you, no, it DEMANDS that you spend a minimum of $100 every time you enter its hellish chamber. Why do you think they are distributing exclusive cd's by the Eagles, Journey and AC/DC? They lure you in with their respective new releases (priced to sell at $11.88!) and then rope you in with all their other poorly made products (made by slave labor....come to think of it...I bet Journey's new Filipino singer is slave labor too.....but thats for another post). When you get down to it, Walmart is a lot like a predatory bank lender or a cash advance ropes you into business transactions that you can't afford.

Probably the thing about Walmart I hate the most is the customers....its like a white trash Disney World in there....people roam around the place just pushing an empty cart. They just stroll around wide eyed like a kid looking at Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. You'll be able to easily identify these types of people by their sleeveless tee shirts, denim shorts, and their single tooth.

America used to take pride in how its goods were made...things were "built to last." Now they are built to be sold in mass quantities....and as cheaply as possible. Work was once something to be celebrated...being a craftsman was an honor.....those days are long past. Just imagine how much pride that 6 year old Asian kid making your "Git R Done" tee shirts takes from her work.

Walmart...its not one of the 7 Realms of Hell....It is hell.

Jewne: Blue Oyster Cult

Yep, the dudes behind Godzilla....Jewish.....of course, we're talking about the band Blue Oyster Cult and the song Godzilla..not the movie series...the dudes behind the movies are NOT jews...I think....

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Jewne:Marc Bolan - Jeepster

Considering I mentioned him in my rant against Joe Elliot below, I figured might as well feature Marc Bolan today...yep, he's a jew. I remember having an argument with a guy once who was convinced Marc Bolan and guitarist Tommy Bolin were brothers....even mentioning that their names were spelled differently would not sway him. Let me tell ya, that was the last time I ever spoke to Joe Elliot when he was on the rag.

Still An Arse After All These Years

Back in my misspent youth, I enjoyed reading the rock mags of the day...Circus, Kerrang,Hit Parader, Rolling Stone. Metal Edge...I read 'em all. My favorite stories were always the articles that featured some rocker, usually Kevin Dubrow, slagging rival bands. So imagine my joy when surfing the intergoogles I stumbled upon a story from Sweden in which Def Leppard's Joe Elliot decided to bash David Bowie, Poison and Motley Crue (while admitting her harbored a gay crush on Hanoi Rocks frontman Michael Monroe).

Perhaps the comments (and if you wanna read what Elliot said, head over to Blabbermouth, I'm not gonna post it here) that made me laugh the hardest (while throwing up a little in my mouth at the stupidity of the 9 armed band's frontman) was when he said of Bowie, that he was more about the look than the music. Granted, Bowie has always been a visual artist, but he was writing great songs long before he created the Ziggy Stardust alter-ego. Did Joe somehow never hear Hunky Dory or Space Oddity? Even Bowie's weak 80's output surpassed anything Leppard put out after Pyromania.

Honestly, Joe Elliot and I have similar tastes in70's music....We love a lot of the same bands...Mott the Hoople, Marc Bolan and T. Rex and the Sweet...the difference is I'm intelligent and in touch with reality and he's a mentally retarded, delusional hasbeen convinced that his band still matters. Take for instance his claim in the same article that Def Leppard had "substance" which was something he claims Motley Crue and Poison lacked. Ok.....How is Pour Some Sugar on Me any different from Unskinny Bop or Girls, Girls, Girls? What about Rocket or the gayest song ever written Make Love Like a Man? The truth is Joe, your band is worse than Motley and Poison because at least they know what they are.

Ya see Mr. Elliot is convinced that his band should be mentioned in the same breath as the greatest rock bands of all time....In Joe's mind they were never a "metal" band (nevermind the early press proclaiming the leaders of the New Wave of British Heavy Metal a label they were proud to wear until the mid 80's). At every opportunity this guy slags metal and metal bands..nevermind the fact his band's 2nd guitarist was in Dio. Joe has a problem with Bowie's look? What's his explanation for the ripped up sock stuffed jeans he wore in the 80's? What about the Billy Ray Cyrus hair he wore? Joe has a problem with why is it his bandmate Phil Collen wore more eyeliner than Tammy Faye Baker on their last tour?

Here's all you need to know about Def Lep....they made a decent debut, followed up by a solid record in High and Dry.....then came the commercial crossover Pyromania (where they softened their sound). As played out as that record was in the 80's, Photograph is one of the 100 best songs of the 80's (and probably top 50). But the credit for the success doesn't go to the band, it goes to Mutt Lange who orchestrated that record the way Jim Steinman worked Meat Loaf. When Steinman couldn't work the same magic on Lep when they started their followup to Pyromania, they waited for Lange to become available. The result was the soul selling, diabetic coma inducing Hysteria, quite simply, a record so bad it makes Metal Machine Music sound like the White Album.

Since he's unable to grasp it, let me slap Joe Elliot in the face with reality...your band became a joke in 1987. You owe all your success to a guy named Mutt. Your loyalty to your one armed, wife beating drummer is admirable, however, it resulted in all of your rhythms sounding the same. You never replaced the late Steve Clark, the only member of your band who seems to enjoy rock music.....your bass player with each passing year becomes the white RuPaul. Then there is you Joe....You're an arrogant douche....whenever you open your mouth it turns your shrinking fanbase against you. You come off more and more as a bitter old queen. Remember that blowup with Andrew's review of your covers record over at The guy did nothing but give you free press for years and champion your band....He rightly criticizes your decision to do a covers record and finds the end result underwhelming and you slag him like a scorned lover. One of the few people who still took you seriously and you ran him down on every continent. Oh and the glasses you're wearing? You're not John're not even Donnie Vie. And Joe? Your voice is shot.....maybe if you took a break from running your mouth to the press you might be able to at least get thru one verse of your crap tunes without sounding like an alley cat fight has broken out.

If there is a rock n' roll hell, Joe Elliot is destined to spend eternity being ass raped by the guy who claimed he was Rikki Rockett (or the homeless guy who said he was Peter Criss). Then again, given his recent comments about wanting to shag Michael Monroe, Joe would probably enjoy that too much.

Jewne: Max Weinberg

One of the great rock drummers and late night tellyvision bandleaders and sidekicks. These More You Know knockoffs are always funny.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Graduation Day

There were times that working full time, taking care of a family and going to college were hellish and yesterday's weather sure made it feel like hell. But let me tell ya, getting that diploma yesterday made it all worthwhile. Today I blog before you as one of the proud 444,000 graduates in the history of THE Ohio State University.

First, I'd like to thank Ohio State for a brilliantly put together commencement. The thing came together with Swiss precision. Can't be easy organizing nearly 7,900 diplomas. To whoever came up with the tradition of graduates wearing black gowns, might I suggest that Spring grads start wearing gray ones instead. Dear lord...nothing like wearing a black gown in 93 degree heat. I lost a few pounds while I sat there roasting.

Our commencement speaker was NBC news anchor Brian Williams who was fantastic. He made several jokes about Michigan (which pleased the crowd) and asked the class of 2008 to save the country. Williams was very candid about the state of the nation. Williams expressed hope that this graduating class might be the one that finds an alternative energy source so America can stop buying oil from people its at war with. Let me tell ya, I enjoyed that remark more than any Michigan joke. Just wish Williams would make those kinda comments during his newscasts. Despite that, I've been a Williams fan since his reporting on Hurricane Katrina.

Being a lot older than the other students, I kinda felt outta place. OSU prez Gordon Gee's remarks were geared toward young people, and I certainly understand why. I'm sure I was the only one graduating who had a 20 year college odyssey.

I had no plans to actually participate in commencement until my last quarter when I decided I might as well do it. Brutal heat and all it was a nice experience. God knows it took me long enough to do it. As KBone told me yesterday, I've going to school long enough that I should be a doctor by now. For the record, I was not in school for 20 years....Went two years, took ten off....went 5 years part time....took two off....finished in the last year. So really, it was only 8 years....spread out over 20 years.

Interesting the 2000 census, only 4 percent of residents in the county I reside have college degrees. Only 1 percent have masters degrees (I start my masters program in September). I figure with those kinda numbers I can be ruling this dump in no time. Like I told my lovely and supportive wife yesterday, my degree doesn't make me better or smarter than those who don't have a degree, it just means when she has to write my obituary she can include that I was a graduate of Ohio State. It took a lot of time and a lot of money but its an accomplishment that no one can take away from me.

So what do I take away from OSU other than my degree? Well obviously a diploma....a three point something GPA and a mountain of student loan debt. I've learned that while it would have been nice when I was 18 years old to have the focus and drive I have at 38, I wouldn't change a takes you along many paths. There are many I wish I hadn't gone down but I like where I'm at now. I never saw myself as a 38 year old college graduate getting ready to start an MBA program but it beats being toothless and sitting in my own waste. Imagine having that in your obituary...

Tomorrow its back to trying to be witty and somewhat the end of the week I'll announce what I'll be up to once I close down this blog....I'm off to go on a snow cone run.


Probably my fave hip hop group of all this video....this group did more to boost Kerry King's profile than playing in Slayer ever did.

Friday, June 6, 2008

God I'm Tired

A brief rambling post today...I'm too fookin' tired to put anything together....I got to bed about 2am figuring I'd be able to snag 6 hours of sleep...neglecting that the Mrs. still had to get up at 6am to go to work. The alarm went off, the sun came blazing thru the window....and I was awake. Well, my eyes are open and I'm not in bed anymore but I certainly feel groggy and out of it. The only thing I think thats gonna get me moving is a threeway with me, Mrs. Folger and a can of Red Bull.

One of the all time sappiest wuss bands of all time has finally called it a day...Steve Lukather has gone Dr. Kevorkian and performed assisted suicided on his band Toto. Sadly, this happened 30 years to late.

Believe it or not, Van Halen made it thru its "reunion" tour with David Lee Roth. I had my doubts but the boys kept it together.....well, everyone but Ed...There are some rumblings that they'll get back in the studio to make new music but I think its as likely to happen as Chinese Democracy seeing the light of day.

Evander Holyfield's mansion is being foreclosed no one safe from the mortgage crisis? I'm continually amazed at how rich people lose their money. Look at Ed McMahon...that S.O.B. should have all sorts of bank and soon he'll be homeless....crap, if he were to win the Publisher's Clearing house sweepstakes that he used to shill on the tellyvision, they'd have to find him in a cardboard box under the bridge.

I'm off to graduation rehearsal...........drink a Bud in my honor

Death Angel-Dethroned

Gotta give props to Death Angel..killer show last night at the Alrosa. Each song was just furious and the band was tight as hell. The O.M.O.M. and I had a chance to meet up with the guys before the show and they were just as nice as can be. They are bringing the thrash night after night after of the hardest working bands in show bidness right now.

Jewne-Lenny Kravitz

I wanted to love Lenny Kravitz, sadly, I only tolerate him. It wasn't the lack of original ideas that turned me off, it was the fact he's so damn dull. Still, he has 3 things going for him that I don't...He's a Jew, His Mom was on the Jeffersons, and he nailed Lisa Bonet. Good on ya Lenny!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Why I Hate My Summer Vacation

As Denis Leary sang in the Asshole song, "I walk around in the summertime saying how about this heat?" So, how 'bout it? Freakin' brutal. Like good paying jobs, Spring doesn't exist in Ohio anymore. May is cooler and wetter than April. Just last week I froze my ass off at the boys ball game and today I'm running around the house wearing nothing but a thong and a smile. Its days like this, and the ones upcoming, that make me hate summertime.

Of course, those who know me well understand that I have a lot of hate in my heart. Here are some other reasons I hate Summer:

The neighbor kids....always comin' down wanting to swim or trying to raid the fridge. Some of the kids are darn nice but there is one particular shit head down the block who should be the poster child for birth control. In fact, his whole family is an ethnic cleansing waiting to happen. Each night I pray that they become one of the millions of families who lose their home to foreclosure. Sure that's mean, but I'm a petty bastard.

Bugs....50 times a day you'll hear me shout this expression to the kids "shut the damn door you're letting bugs in." I wish I could mix it up a little bit..."hey, we ain't runnin' a bug motel!" or something like that would be a nice change of pace. The kids are as sick of "shut the damn door you're letting bugs in" just as much as I am.

Allergies...Used to be they only hit me at harvest season...then it became its a 6 month reality series called "Dancing With My Snot." Plus I go around making up parody songs like "Runny Eyes" to Eric Carmans Hungry Eyes from Dirty Dancing. Don't even get me started on Eric Carman...went from pop genius to shite in three point five seconds....

TV...257 channels and nothin' on. Reality's now over, the NBA begins its swan song tonight....that leaves me with nothing but the underachieving Indians until the Browns begin preseason games in August. Wouldn't have been as bad if I at least had Rescue Me to watch this season, but NO, freakin' writers strike pushed that back to next year.

The Summer Olympics...thrill to the drama that is product placement before a worldwide audience. I'm boycotting Chinese food until after the conclusion of the summer games. I'm still bitter about the U.S. basketball team getting screwed out of the gold medal in 1972. Sure I was only two then but I learned how to hate at an early age.

Summer concerts....everyone in the world is on tour in the little money, so few shows. My days of selling blood plasma for concert money are long past.

Summer movies....everything is a god damn event movie. I wasn't gonna go but now I'm interested in seeing the'll either be great or a train wreck. If you don't think the new Batman movie looks killer you're an idiot.

This one is special for this summer...presidential elections and party conventions. Yawn.

Amusement me a puss but I have a fear of heights which rules out rollercoasters. Plus, have you seen the price of admission to Cedar Point and Kings Island? Plus, thanks to my recently earned college degree, I can tell you that the amusement park was created as a form of leisure for working class immigrants on Coney Island. Like the movie, it rose to popularity as people who worked too hard for too little found a way to brighten their mundane lives. Of course, back then you probably got a family admitted for a nickel....I'm not sure but I believe a single day outting at Cedar Point for a family of four including admission, gas, and food now runs somewhere around five thousand dollars.

I'm sure I could name more reasons as to why I hate summer but I'll spare you.....I'm off to drop a bag of frozen peas into the front of my thong. Cool your balls and the rest will follow.


Alright, Kiss is an obvious choice for Jewne but you cannot deny the brilliance of this song. Words cannot express how much their current activities depress me but at the same time, its almost impossible to articulate how much they meant to me as a kid. Their early work remains timeless...Damn shame radio never plays these cuts...I refuse to recoginize any hall of fame that doesn't include these guys.

Death Angel - Room With A View

As far as I know these guys aren't Jewish but I'm gonna feature 'em anyway since they are headling at the Alrosa tonight. Another killer metal band from the Bay area....God am I getting old...this tune is 20 years old now.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

The Last Political Post I'll Write...I Swear!

After what seems like the most drawn out primary season in history, Barack Obama last night was finally able to declare victory over Hillary Clinton and seal the Democratic party's nomination for President. In his victory speech, Obama wasted little time in going after Grandpa John McCain, his opponent in the November election. My friends, we're in for a long, bloody and expensive campaign. Sadly, with all the issues this country is facing, I suspect we're gonna be treated to a media driven discussion on petty bullshit.

You can already see it coming.....Obama's membership in Jeremiah Wright's church (of course he resigned as a member last week) will get the bible thumpers going on the "morals and values" issue. I'm amazed at how many people still believe Obama is a practicing Muslim (he isn't). If you listen closely you can also hear the gay marriage issue drumming faintly from California. This is what McCain will focus on....he knows he can't win on the real issues.

I love America but Americans do not know how to accept criticism. We've had it beaten into our skulls since the day we were born that America does everything better than any other country. Maybe in the 1950's we did but the only thing America does better than everyone now is hide its head in the sand and pretend that everything is ok. Neither candidate will be honest and admit that the sky really is falling. Of the two, Obama, if the media will allow him, will be the most likely to talk about the real issues and offer plans for change. McCain on the other hand, really does appear to be nothing more than an extension of the idiot who has called the White House home the past 8 years.

Its fitting that this year's NBA finals will feature the Los Angeles Lakers and the Boston Celtics because thats what this election is. Growing up in the 80's, these two teams always seemed to square off for the title. The Lakers roster was pretty much black (except for ubergeek Kurt Rambis) while the Celtics had more white guys on the floor than the combined rosters of every other NBA club. In this election, Obama is the Showtime Lakers...he's the Magic Johnson (only without the AIDS virus) and McCain represents the slow white guys.

But when you look at the Lakers and Celtics today in 2008, the Celtics are no longer lily white. Their stars are all black and they have no white players of note. Using my basketball analogy, Obama is Kobe Bryant (without the charges of ass rape in Denver), while McCain is a 12th man at worst and a past his prime journeyman clinging to past glory at best.

McCain's only shot at winning this election, and I think he has a great chance of doing so, is to play up his whiteness. Bill Maher in speaking of McCain reaching out to evangelicals said (and I'm paraphrasing) "its sad when smart people have to act stupid in order to get elected." McCain will have to sell out his soul and make this campaign about race. He will say he has more experience than Obama but what he'll mean is "I'm whiter than he is." McCain will try to give the appearance that he's above the fray while hatchet men like Rush Limbaugh and Fox News will have pundits on spreading Negrophobia. The GOP will wage a 21st century electronic lynching and the news media is sure to be a willing participant. The only product McCain has to sell in this election is fear.....and if we've learned one thing from Bush's War of Terror (thanks Borat), its the American people have learned to be afraid.

Now more than ever we cannot afford to be afraid. We've lost the things that have made us great as a country. More and more of America resembles a third world country. People are working harder for less. Nearly 50 million Americans are without health insurance. People can't afford to pay for their houses or fill up their gas tanks or their ever swelling bellies. Our energy policy has only served to fatten the wallets of the CEO's while depleting our bank accounts and destroying the planet.

I don't think Obama is the saviour or even the second coming of FDR or Robert Kennedy...but electing a black man as president would be an incredible sign that this country is ready to turn the page and actually change the things that are slowly killing it. Honestly, I never thought I'd see the day where a black man could be elected President. I distrust all politicians and generally consider presidential elections to be nothing more than choosing between "the evil of two lessers." I hope I'm wrong and that McCain's "fear of a black planet" campaign theme doesn't come to pass. But this country elected George W. Bush twice so we seem to have a love for embracing the stupid. FDR said "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself." I think the only thing we have to fear is ourselves. Think of it this way...if you're having a party who do you wanna listen to? James Brown or Pat Boone? When ya think of it that way, the choice is easy.

Jewne:Anthrax - Caught In A Mosh

Scott Ian, guitarist, cool dude...chosen one. Yep, he's a is fellow Anthrax guitar player Dan Spitz. Ian always comes off great whenever VH1 features him in one of its Metal shows. He was also smart enough to shave his head when he began losing his hair.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Random Crap Tuesday

In September of 1988 I took my first classes at THE Ohio State University....dropped out in 1990 after having no clue as to what I wanted to be when I grew up.....Came back part-time in the fall of 2000 due to what I now consider to be a midlife crisis. Left again in 2005 and returned last my friends I am proud to announce that after kicking the ass of my Math final last night, I will be officially graduating this Sunday. When I advised my history professor of this his reaction was "Well, that explains the weather forecast I just saw...hell freezes over!"

I've found myself looking back on this 20 year odyssey (and as a point of pride let me stress it didn't actually take me 20 years...I was in classes, mainly part-time for only 7 of those years....I'm not that much of a slowpoke), thinking of how music has changed....In 1988 vinyl records were still being made, cd's were packaged in long cardboard boxes and cassettes were still "the" most popular way of getting music to the masses. 20 years ago if you wanted music (or porn) you had to walk in someplace and buy it. Mind you, I wouldn't give up my Ipod or DVR for anything but nothing beat the thrill of going into a record store and flipping thru the racks. Come to think of it, thats probably why I didn't finish school in the early 90's.....too much time hanging out in record stores and in bars drinking and listening to live music. Record stores are gone and clubs that play live music are on the endangered species list.

Here's a disturbing some concert venues they have screens that allow concertgoers to send text messages to this giant screen. You are in a place with thousands of people and rather then talk to them, you send an electronic message from a phone...What the fook is wrong with us as a society? I love e-mail, the internet and the convenience of my cellphone but nothing tops an honest to god, actual stimulating conversation. This kinda shit is why I am not a people person.

Should we starta pool as to when Scott Weiland goes back to rehab or dies? Even Robin Quivers on yesterday's Howard Stern show was talking about how awful he was last week when she saw Stone Temple Pilots.

Maybe Weiland and Tatum O'Neal can get a frequent flier discount at Betty Ford.....

CBS unveils a new series about 70's swingers Thursday night called Swingtown. Why the fascination with the 70's? I was alive then....a good deal of the music was awful, fashion was terrible, haircuts were terrible, men wore terrible pornstaches and as for the home decor all I have to say is two words.....shag carpeting. Leave the 70's where they the dustbin of history. All you really need to keep from the 70's are your Kiss and Springsteen records and maybe Star Wars.

I'm off to make french toast.....enjoy the rain.

Jewne: David Lee Roth

Yep, DLR is Jewish...he has my vote for the baddest Jew in rock...everything a frontman should be...this vid is a real treat...its just Dave's vocal track from Runnin' With the Devil.....damn entertaining stuff my friends.

Bo Diddley RIP

You can make the argument, and I do, that Bo Diddley was the first rock n'roll guitar hero. His self named "beat" can still be heard wherever quality rock records are being made.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Jewne:Slash's Snakepit Good To Be Alive

Yep, Slash,seen here on Letteman, is Jewish. Has any guitar player had to put up with two bigger pains in the ass than this guy? Axl Rose and Scott Weiland? He's one more prima donna lead singer away from an unholy triniy. Cool useless fact about Slash...David Bowie used to date his mom.

Welcome to Jewne

Welcome to Jewne and the last month of the blog...Today's post will be brief as I have a Math final to cram for (nothing like pushing 40 and worrying about taking a test) and I've gotta get Tatum O'Neal into a 12 step program ASAP. Its fitting that the Academy Award winning actress stars in a show called "Rescue Me." That girl needs some big time help...buying crack on an NYC street like a common junkie?

I should note, I mean no disrespect by celebrating the contributions of Jewish rockers during the month of Jewne...I'm not an anti-Semite by any means. While surfing the internets recently I came across a list of Jewish rockers and it blew me away.

I'm on vacation from the job this week...if you can call it a vacation. I have so much work to do around the house it would take a month off of work to get to it all. Power-washing the fence is gonna be a lot of fun....holding that wand in your hand is an incredible feeling of power (go ahead, make a penis joke here...I'll wait). Not only can you get the crud off the wood (heh heh...go ahead make another penis joke....I don't mind) but you can keep the kids in line when they misbehave.

Speaking of dick jokes, recent reports indicate that the Stone Temple Pilots reunion tour is falling apart. Our buddy Andrew over at reports today the band was an hour late the other night and that singer Scott Weiland was obviously intoxicated (or stoned) on stage. One of the DJ's on Sirius yesterday was sharing her experience from a recent show and said it was the worst show she's ever seen. Maybe now STP will do us all a favor and fade back into oblivion.

Speaking of, head over and check out Andrew's review of the new Journey cd. Andy has never met a record he didn't like and this is no different...he gives this one a 97. Granted, I haven't heard the record, but that kinda score means it should be up there with the White Album and Exile on Main Street.

I'm still hooked on the new Alejandro Escovedo single Always a Friend...though if you listen close enough, you can hear a vocal similarity to Paul Stanley. Eerie.

Speaking of eerie....I heard the title cut of the new Judas Priest record Nostradamus. Musically, the band rips it up...Halford's voice is even in fine form but as for the lyrics...well, as far as concept records go it ain't exactly Tommy. Hell, it isn't even Operation Mindcrime 2:Rise of the Silver Surfer.

Pet peeve...when bands make "sequels" to records....Bat Out of Hell 2, Mindcrime 2....I'd have more respect for the act if they just called the record "Fresh Out of New Ideas."

Now Chicago...that was a band that knew how to name records.

Brave Words and Bloody Knuckles has a Gene Simmons interview up where the Kiss bassist (and Jewish rocker) says the band has already signed a contract to do a "Kiss Idol" type show. Simmons has dropped hints in the past that the band could continue without his involvement or Paul Stanley's. Paul seems none too pleased with Gene running his mouth saying ""These things are typical. Gene says something as if it was a fact, but there is no signed deal. The future has many possibilities. Will it happen next week? No! Am I opposed to the idea? Of course not" Again, feel free to insert your "Gene Simmons is such a dick" joke here.

Further proof reunion mania has gone too far...the made for tv act Rockstar:Supernova just played a one off reunion gig...who cares?

News of the World reports that Courtney Love is distraught because someone has stolen the ashes of her late husband, Nirvana frontman (and hair band serial killer) Kurt Cobain. Now consider that the News of the World is the most unreliable source for news this side of Fox News...still the story is funny...especially because according to the report Cobain's ashes are kept in a "pink, bear-shaped bag." What, you were expecting a heart shaped box?

I'm off to remember what a Euler Circuit and a Euler Path is....Shalom my brothers!

Jewne-Twisted Sister

Welcome to Jewne, a celebration of great rock and roll brought to us by our Jewish friends. Lots of artists to choose from and who better to kick it off than Dee Snider, one of the coolest personalities in rock. Twisted Sister was a fun band...their look was perfect for the emerging Mtv, sadly, it also made them seem like cartoon characters which hurt their credibility long term.