Back in business thanks to a government bailout.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Taken Over By WalMart

I've had a few people ask me why I'm shutting down the blog.....I guess they aren't buying the reason I gave here, which is that the O.M.O.M. and I plan to conquer the intergoogles with our unique insight and humor.....so here's what I've started tellin' 'em....Walmart is runnin' me out of business. How can I compete with their blogs? They are able to get deep discount blogs from suppliers.....Their blogs are staffed by the most musically in tune, most sarcastic and cynical illegal immigrants you'll ever meet. How can the Mom and Pop blogs face such times and live? The answer is we can't....the independent blogger is being taken over one blog at a time.

Laugh if you want but there are evil forces at work with Walmart....I have a theory....unproven tho it may be, that Sam Walton's mega discount chain sprout up after he brokered a deal with the devil. In fact, Walmart has now grown so big, its actually taken over Hell. Hell is now one big Walmart Superstore....the store is stocked with stuff you don't need and the stuff you do need is out of stock and none of the employees speak a lick of English.

I hate going into Walmart....because to me, Walmart is indeed hell. The employees generally have this look on their face that says "Oh my f'ing God.....I'm working at Walmart!" Its not the kinda place that you go to if you need one thing. One day I went into buy batteries. The 900 year old greeter offers me a cart and I decline. This undead woman says to me in a voice that chilled me to the core "you'll be sorry!"

Walmart doesn't want you to buy one thing...it wants you, no, it DEMANDS that you spend a minimum of $100 every time you enter its hellish chamber. Why do you think they are distributing exclusive cd's by the Eagles, Journey and AC/DC? They lure you in with their respective new releases (priced to sell at $11.88!) and then rope you in with all their other poorly made products (made by slave labor....come to think of it...I bet Journey's new Filipino singer is slave labor too.....but thats for another post). When you get down to it, Walmart is a lot like a predatory bank lender or a cash advance place...it ropes you into business transactions that you can't afford.

Probably the thing about Walmart I hate the most is the customers....its like a white trash Disney World in there....people roam around the place just pushing an empty cart. They just stroll around wide eyed like a kid looking at Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. You'll be able to easily identify these types of people by their sleeveless tee shirts, denim shorts, and their single tooth.

America used to take pride in how its goods were made...things were "built to last." Now they are built to be sold in mass quantities....and as cheaply as possible. Work was once something to be celebrated...being a craftsman was an honor.....those days are long past. Just imagine how much pride that 6 year old Asian kid making your "Git R Done" tee shirts takes from her work.

Walmart...its not one of the 7 Realms of Hell....It is hell.

3 comments:

O.M.O.M. said...

I had a meltdown last night at Sam's Club. It is much too long to recount here but it involved a brain dead Mansfield shopper and 4 Sam's employees. Good times....

On the positive side I did get the new Journey for $10.77.

E. S. Furniss said...

Wow! You saved a buck eleven off the WalMart price by shopping at their corporate sibling. I hope you picked up a 50 gallon drum of Mayo and several cases of frosted flakes as well.

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