Back in business thanks to a government bailout.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Douche, Not a Douche

Generous helpings of Vicodin have dulled my rage some today. Wisdom teeth are driving me nuts...fortunately in two more weeks they'll be driven from the the American Indian, American auto industry, the Airline industry, and the Bill of Rights.

It would be easier to quiet my rage if I could do what the President does...and that is to not read the newspaper. Today's New York Times informs us that the Justice Department, which used to take down corporations who operated illegally, now has put off at least 50 prosecutions for the last three years! Instead what the Justice Department has allowed is a secret system of issuing fines to corporations who are up to no good. As part of this clandestine agreement, the guilty corporations name is kept secret. This my friends is proof there is one set of rules for the people and another for our corporate overlords.

As if the high prices at the grocery store wasn't enough of a pain, a number of farmers are electing to bypass government conservation policies (and the money that comes from not farming) in order to cash in on the profit being made from soybeans, wheat and other crops. This of course has the environmentalists up in arms. I guarantee you all this is gonna do is the wreck the land, make no change in what we pay at the grocery and set us up for another Dust Bowl. Welcome to corporate America...hayseed style.

Of course, the media continues to hammer home such stories as the evacuation of 400 people from the lunatic Mormon sect and the Olympic torch coming to San Francisco. If there is any city that can appreciate something flaming, its San Francisco. Their city flag features an eagle in assless leather chaps. If this administration honestly believed in regime change or advocated human rights it would boycott the Beijing Olympics in protest of the Chinese government. Of course, since the United States no longer believes in human rights, we won't say a word. The U.S.A. and China...brothers in waterboarding, commerce and all forms of torture.

Gotta put the headlines down....

God I feel old...can you believe Joan Jett is 50?

The first full length Flight of the Conchords record is out on April 22nd. Their show will return to HBO in January...sigh..2009. James McMurtry's new record comes out on tax day, April 15th. McMurtry's only scheduled Ohio tour stop is in May in Cleveland.

Bret Michaels will decide on his latest Rock of Love this weekend. Will it be young, inked, and fugly Daisy or will it be old and odd Ambre? If you can't get enough of Rock of Love the first season is now out on DVD. I would insert a joke here but just the fact I mentioned Rock of Love is joke enough. I anxiously await VH1's Bong of Love with John Popper of Blues Traveller.

Someone please explain why Radiohead is so praised? I just don't get it. They are like white noise to me. I've never read a single negative word about them. They are as bland as Moby.

Those west coast baseball games play havoc with my sleeping habits. Tribe came back to win one last night. Bout damn time.

Its the curse of Dan Rather....CBS is laying off 160 news employees in 13 cities. The network, once known as THE news operation, is also negotiating a deal with CNN to share resources. Is there anyone under the age of 65 that still relies on the nightly network newscasts?

When did McDonalds get rid of root beer? Went thru the drive thru last night, asked for a root beer and the tard on the speaker says "Um....we don't HAVE root beer" It was like I'd ordered a Happy Ending meal...burger, fries, drink and a rub and tug. McDonalds has now been eliminated from my life. I'll miss them more then they miss me.

Finally,here's a new feature I wanna try out...I throw out some names and then label them accordingly: douche, not a douche, giant douche

Jay Leno: giant douche

Adam Sandler: not a douche but exhibits douche like acting skills

John McCain:giant, old, scary douche

Hillary Clinton: queen of the douche

Pope Benedict: Holy douche

Alex Rodriguez: overpaid giant douche

Barrack Obama: borderline douche

Joe Lieberman: jew, douche....jewche

Which reminds me of a great joke...what do you call a jewish woman's boobs? JOOBS.

Sean Combs:Diddy Douche

Starbucks Customers: Grande Douche Latte

Wow...looks like on this first go around, nearly everyone is a douche. Have a swell day.


TFO said...

that entire post made just made my day! Douche, Not a Douche - funny stuff...

E. S. Furniss said...

Then you'll enjoy this one...Rick Nash..not a douche....the rest of the Columbus Blue Jackets? Giant, untalented lazy pansy douches.

Maybe I'll get motivated and do a preview of the Stanley Cup playoffs tomorrow...but I doubt I'll be that motivated.

O.M.O.M. said...

I'm beyond disgusted with corporate america these days. I need me some of that Vicodin to go with my Busch Light...

50 or not, I've still got the hots for Joan Jett. I've always dug older women anyway.

E. S. Furniss said...

I'd always heard Joan Jett liked girls? Then again, I like girls. Guess we have something in common.

TFO said...

I really liked Joan Jett back in the day, even if she liked girls... I thought Lita Ford was hot too.

ES, you're correct...Rick Nash, not a douche...we'll soon discover Scott Howson's status during off-season activity...he could end up being a bigger douche than MacLean.

Jami Foos said...

Joe Lieberman: jew, douche....jewche

Thanks, E. I spit my coffee on my monitor when I read this one.