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Thursday, January 24, 2008

Crash and Burn

The mind races with random thoughts today....Was reflecting on a visit to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame where on display they have a piece of the plane that Otis Redding was in when died. I suggested once that they should have a whole wing dedicated just to things associated with rock star deaths...John Bonham's vomit....Keith Moon's empty booze bottles....Bon Scott's teeth...the skull of Jim Croce...stuff like that. So that thought led to this one...what rock bands would be remembered better today if they'd gone down in an airplane crash? Here's my top 5:

Guns n' Roses-Had they gone down after Sweet Child o' Mine hit they would be remembered as the greatest rock band of their generation. It also would have spared us from Use Your Illusion I and II as well as the 2 decades in the making and still unreleased Chinese Democracy.

Kiss-Same rules apply to Kiss. If they go down after Kiss Alive II they are hailed as rock n' roll pioneers. Rolling Stone issues yearly magazines dedicated just to their legacy and compares them to everyone from Marcel Marceau to the MC5. World spared from Gene Simmons giant ego, Vinnie Vincent and the embarrassment the band became when Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer started playing Ace and Peter.

Nirvana-With Smells Like Teen Spirit still dominating airplay on Mtv, Nirvana, minus drummer Dave Grohl, boards a plane to play at a festival in England. Somewhere over the English Channel the band's plane disappears. Two months later bassist Krist Novoselic surfaces after living the whole time on a deserted island. Later its revealed that Novoselic survived on the carcass of Kurt Cobain. The experience is documented in the award winning film "Castaway." Dave Grohl who missed the plane still goes on and forms the Foo Fighters. Due to the plane crash, Cobain doesn't shoot himself or marry Courtney Love..and she never becomes a "star."

INXS-C'mon..any death would have been better for Michael Hutchence then hanging himself from a belt while tickling his Elmo.

Needing another creative outlet, I've decided to form a tribute band. My financial advisor actually suggested the idea telling me it would be easy money. Tribute bands have a built in audience...For Kiss fans they have Strutter or Kiss Army or the Mini-Kiss where Kiss is played by midgets. The Doors had Moonlight Drive. Bruce in the USA goes around the country playing the music of Bruce Springsteen. Here are the tribute band ideas I've been kicking around:

Love it to Death: A tribute to Alice Cooper. Now I know Pittsburgh has Mr. Nice Guy but I saw them and wasn't too impressed. I think I could do better. Plus, since I'm prone to depression, I might actually allow myself to be killed on stage.

Back to Ohio: A tribute to the Pretenders featuring me as Chrissie Hynde. I will have to look more masculine to pass as Chrissie but its worth a shot.

Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me: A tribute to the that my hair is growing out, I kinda look like Robert Smith in the hair department. Not sure about the bright red lipstick tho.

I can't decide on a name for this one...It's either Heartbeat City or Shake it Up: A tribute to the Cars. Since bassist/vocalist Ben Orr of the Cars died of colon cancer, I think I could team up with some health provider to offer colonoscopys to fans who turn out at shows.

Once I've decided on who to rip off, I'll assemble the band and make my debut at the Beer Cave. We'll even do a webcast right here on the ol' crap blog.

Enjoy your Thursday.....

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