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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Untitled Nonsense

For a couple weeks I've been plotting a guest blog from Ted Kennedy, done ala Howard Stern...after yesterday's news that the Senator has a brain tumor I've elected to scrap the whole idea. Instead I'm gonna re-write it as a Robert Byrd guest blog....that old boy is just ripe for comedy. He's 125 years old (which still leaves him 10 years younger than Chris Chelios of the Detroit Red Wings) and seems to be more out of it each day. When Byrd broke down crying on the Senate floor yesterday about Teddy, I think Byrd thought he'd just been given the news that Teddy Roosevelt was ill. I understand Byrd and TR went up San Juan Hill together.

So there's a chick...that lives life like a dude....takes male hormones, grew a beard, etc...and this she/he is making the tabloid magazine and talk show rounds proclaiming itself as the first pregnant man....listen...this is just an ugly chick with a fetus....the media can stop hyping this story...there is a war going on, the economy stinks, more people lose their homes every day, gas is $4 a gallon and there is a presidential campaign going on...don't we have more important things to worry about than a bearded chick with a fetus?

You know who is nearly the same age as Robert Byrd? Harrison Ford....still I'll go see Indiana Jones and the Riddle of Medicare when it opens this weekend.

Poor Ringo Starr...not only was he the least talented member of the Beatles now it appears he's the least liked. A garden sculpture of Ringo in the Beatles native Liverpool had its head chopped off by vandals. Heather Mills meanwhile is mad she didn't think of the idea...if Paul's leg had come up missing it would have been an easy crime for Scotland Yard to solve.

Another reason to hate American you needed another one...tonight's guest performer is George Michael....Poor Andrew Ridgely meanwhile is relegated to appearing on Step it Up and Dance.

That was a joke...everyone knows Andrew Ridgely can't get work anywhere.

VH1 Classic is going all metal for Memorial Day weekend. Prepare yourself to be dazzled by 72 hours of crap you've seen more times than you ever wanted to. I can only hope they run their made for VH1 Def Leppard movie...the scene where Rick Allen is standing in the field holding his arm brings tears to my eyes...from laughing at the bad acting.

Ozzy's wife, Sharon Osbourne, can't stay off of TV...she's agreed to host Rock of Love:Charm School where she teaches the skanks er contestants from Bret "the Wig" Michaels reality show how to be more lady like. Insert your own joke.....HERE___________.

I hate mowing the yard. Especially when my allergies are bugging me like they have been here lately. The other day before heading out to mow, I loaded up Ipod with tons of uptempo, melt your face off, 3 chords and a cloud of dust rock songs....I shaved 10 minutes off of my usual mowing time. Plus I got to scare the numbers by singing along to American Dog's Magnificent Bastard....I hate my neighbors anyway so I'm glad they now live in fear of me. They should.

If you're making bets, I like the Penguins to beat the Red Wings in 6 games to win the Stanley Cup. If you're betting basketball, I like the Celtics to meet the Spurs (upsetting the Lakers) in the NBA Finals. If you're gambling on the Indy 500, God help have a serious problem if you enjoy cars going round and round and round.

I'm off to go pick up my Danica Patrick Fathead.....


O.M.O.M. said...

This whole "pregnant man" story makes me want to punch news media people. Ugly broads get knocked up every damned day, this is no news flash. When this "man" can get another woman pregnant I'll take notice, until then, she needs to get a little closer to her razor in the mornings, grab a sweeper and get dinner cooking.

E. S. Furniss said...

Well if anyone ever does a remake of Dude Looks Like a Lady, I know who they can cast in the video.

Beter be careful O.M.O.M....comments like that will lead to a protest of the National Organization of'll have a whole hive of bearded ladies marching outside the Beer Cave. While they're there maybe they can fire up the grill and get your dinner made and tend to the flower garden.

TFO said...

I believe the Politically correct term for one one whose gender you can't distinguish is "Shims" for she/hims. I, however, have no beer cave in which to seek shelter from those shims that are offended by my remarks. Then again, I am sure I can out run a 250lb. shim in high heels.

E. S. Furniss said...

Life was much more pleasant when Ward Cleaver went to work and left June to take care of everything else. Men were allowed to be men...they could smoke, drink, and do as they pleased. Their word was gospel in the home. Sure, most housewifes were miserable and closet drunks but that was the style of the times. Now we're expected to be sensitive to the needs of our spouses...