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Friday, May 9, 2008

Random Thoughts Friday

My friends the economic news facing Americans has just taken a most dangerous turn....America is facing a barley crisis.....thanks to increased ethanol production, America is short on grain.....I don't eat enough rice to worry about Costco and Sam's Club rationing my rice purchases...but without barley, a key ingredient in the production of beer, the very fabric of our society is at risk.

Who will sponsor our sporting events if not the breweries? Without beer, what will cause our nations marriages to fail? Without beer, what will the Mother's Against Drunk Driving protest? Let me state this simply my friends...without beer the terrorists win. Our nation was founded on the principles of freedom...our right to consume excess quantities of beer and make asses out of ourselves has never been at greater risk than it is right now. I urge you to write your congressman and tell him that you want your beer...and you want cold and at a reasonable price and flowing from every spigot in your house.

C'mon admit it..did you ever think you'd live to see the day where America and its amber waves of grain would actually have a grain shortage? Next thing ya know we'll have a president in office who wasn't actually elected by the people and we'll be fighting wars over made up shite.

In other random thoughts:

Lost remains the highlight of my tv week. I don't know if I've ever been so involved in a tv program. With only 3 episodes left this season I eagerly await what comes next but dread the 8 month layoff between the end of this season and start of the next. This season, tho cut short by the writer's strike, has been the best since the first season. Since the decision was made at the end of last season, to end the show after 3 more seasons the writers have been liberated. The series is really moving full steam ahead to a conclusion. Not only is this resulting in great stories, but for fans it saves us from a repeat of the X Files which dragged on way too long.

Mrs. Furniss has turned me into a viewer of Law & Order SVU...I still have a hard time watching because so many of the cast members used to be regulars on HBO's prison drama Oz. Its hard to picture someone as a cop or a forensics expert if you're reaction when you see them is to think "didn't that guy get prison raped on Oz?"

Aint it Cool News has run two reviews of the new Indiana Jones movie and based on those this movie is gonna be a disappointment. One review compared Harrison Ford to Roger Moore in his last Bond movie...YIKES.

Speaking of Bond movies, I'm looking forward to the new one. Daniel Craig was great in Casino Royale....rebooting the franchise and casting Craig were great ideas. Made Bond interesting again.

You can't talk Bond without talking bout the Cold War....the Russians are back to their old tricks...they've rolled out their tanks for a parade. Ya gotta admit, as far as bad guys go, the Russians beat middle eastern terrorists any day of the week.

So Roger Clemens issued an apology this week....but didn't say what he was apologizing for....was it for using steroids, cheating on his wife (repeatedly), child molestation (speculation one tryst was with a 15 year old girl which Clemens denies)...One of the affairs was with messed up country singer Mindy McCready so maybe the Rocket contributed to her downfall too. You can say you're sorry all you want Rocket.....you are a sorry human being.

Hillary Clinton has loaned herself 6 million bucks to keep her campaign afloat. Her people have slashed expenses to run bare bones rallies of Clinton supporters in West Virginia. Why won't this woman quit? Why does she fail to see what is painfully obvious? You've lost Hill. Quit acting like Dubya and accept reality.

Oil opened at a record $125 a barrel today meaning we're likely to pay $4 a gallon any day now. What life changing event will it take for Americans to get off the couch and take to the streets demanding change? Maybe if I held a rally to end the war and high gas prices and promised a free buffet to all who attend that could do it.

Co-worker "Oh no! I lost my Bluetooth headset!" Furniss "This is a problem how?"

The O.M.O.M. and I will be convening the first summit to end the Pussification of America this weekend. Stay tuned to this blog for announcements on the war on the P.O.A.

Remember your Mom this weekend. Sunday is Mother's Day. I know the holiday sucks but it could be worse...you could be Melissa Etheridge's kids and have two mommy's.

C-I-L-L my landlord....

2 comments:

O.M.O.M. said...

This beer crisis concerns me even more than the rising oil prices. If things get bad, I may have to resort to huffing Swiffer wipes in order to make due. The more I drink, the wittier and better looking I get. I'm calling my congressman asap.

Speaking of Oz and Law and Order, the boy was watching a Nickelodeon kids movie and the lead character in the flick was Beecher's boyfriend from Oz and also he's on L&O. In this flick he played a principal and I chuckled every time he was on screen, thinking of his Oz scenes with Beecher... The boy kept asking me, "Dad, what's so funny?..."

E. S. Furniss said...

Whats disturbing about the looming beer shortage is that in terms of strife, Americans have regularly turned to booze as it is the cause of and solution to all life's problems. Should I start hoarding barley? Maybe stash some in a mattress? Its gonna be like prohibition all over again only there won't be any bootleggers.

The guy tht played Beecher on Oz is gonna be in a new HBO series on the war in Iraq...I saw a commercial and just thought...uh oh...don't ask don't tell and you'll be fine dude..Its amazing how you can identify an actor with one role. For instance, whats his face that played Vern Schillinger the Aryan Nation leader and rapist, in Oz is in the Spiderman movies as J.Jonah Jameson yet I always think of him as Schillinger and wait for him to rape Peter Parker. Imagine that happy meal toy kids..."oh man...I got ass raping J.Jonah Jameson in my Happy Meal."