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Thursday, May 8, 2008

Bands You Love to Hate

Even having Sirius Satellite Radio, the best radio on radio (or so they claim), I hear a lot of songs and bands I outright despise. I'm tempted to write to Sirius that I'm not paying them 13 bucks a month so that I can hear REO Speedwagon and .38 Special. I cannot be held responsible for what I might do when I'm subjected to Hang on Loosely for the one millionth time. Its a little known fact that 1,000 Americans have killed themselves after hearing "Time for Me to Fly."

Here's a brief sampling of bands or artists that make me want to commit hate crimes or vomit:

The Who: When I was a young kid, I liked the Who. Pete Townshend wrote soem great songs...Won't Get Fooled Again, Baba O'Reilly, 5:15.....but I'm sick of them....overplayed to death...would rather listen to John Entwistle and Keith Moon decompose. There is never any reason at all for a station to play Eminence Front or You Better You Bet. Townshend's solo material is just as grating.

Elton John: Has this man written a good song since 1973? He's like a gay version of Rod Stewart. Tiny Dancer is great...thanks to the scene in Almost Famous....but the rest makes me cringe.

Kiss: Rock and Roll All Nite and Detroit Rock City need to be banished.....God of Thunder however holds up well, Calling Dr. Love tho not so much. I must say I heard Domino off of Revenge not too long ago and cranked it up. But then I've always felt that Revenge was one of their better records...definitely their best Bruce Kulick era record. Oh..before I forget...Beth sucks too.

The Cure: Bands like the Cure, the Smiths, New Order, Joy Division should never be played on a car radio. They cause more accidents than drunk drivers. If you're a fan of the music you're likely to become so depressed that you'll run over a playground full of school children. If you're not a fan, you're likely to run over Morrissey.

Coldplay: Say it with me...Worst..Band.....Ever....but then there is...

Dave Matthews Band: I don't think I've ever hated the sound of anyone's voice like his. His music is lame, dull, pretentious and self-indulgent crap.

Jack Johnson: See above....

David Bowie: Was a huge Bowie fan when I was a kid.....then I was just a fan...then an admirer...and now I just don't know....I think his records up thru Scary Monsters are classics and I love them all....but for the last 26 years its been more miss than hit. Earthling was a great records, Heathen was a very good record, all the rest was pretty much shite. Seems like radio avoids the good Bowie and just plays Let's Dance over and over....The man has like 300 songs and they play this one to death...I'm liable to take out a dance troop next time I hear it.

AC/DC: One of the greatest rock bands ever....You Shook Me All Night Long should be destroyed and wiped from our collective memory.

Bob Seger: If you hear a song and it makes you want to buy a truck, the artist must be banned.

Eric Clapton: Someone once said to me "If I were Eric Clapton's kid, I would have jumped out the window too." Granted, thats a little cruel...but so is Wonderful Tonight....and does anyone ever turn on the radio and think "Boy I hope I hear Layla for the billionth time."

Genesis: In the beginning....they sucked.

Chicago:FACT...OJ killed Nicole after hearing "You're the Inspiration."

Doobie Brothers: Less fun than BTO.

Motley Crue: Does anyone believe these guys were ever really any good? I hear Marlee Matlin is a big fan....but does anyone with hearing like them? I never understood the appeal.

Poison: I appreciate the fact that unlike most their hair band fraternity they are still able to draw a crowd. That doesn't mean I should be subjected to Unskinny Bop, reality shows or their drummer's rape charges....not to mention bad wigs.

Foghat: Fool For the City? Please lord never again.

Blue Oyster Cult:I like BOC...I just don't ever want to hear Don't Fear the Reaper or Burnin' For You ever again.

Journey: Faithfully was written by someone with ovaries....and I don't care if Don't Stop Believin' was in the last scene of the Sopranos it sounds like a lottery jingle.

I could go on and on on this topic...but I'll spare you....when you can't think of something to write about, write about something you hate.

Make mine Marvel....


TFO said...

Rush should be on that list. Their only song that I can even half-way tolerate is Tom Sawyer. I never understood people who thought Rush was any good. I'd rather listen to a cat in heat than listen to Geddy Lee's vocals...damn, that guy is annoying...

O.M.O.M. said...

Unlike TFO and BlastFurniss, I enjoy the musical stylings of Rush. I go thru like/hate phases with them and right now I'm in my like cycle of the Rush lunar phase. But only pre 1984 Rush and their newest disc, the late 80's-2005 I've never cared for.

I think 90% of AC/DC's Back In Black should be placed on the do not play list. Great record but sooo overplayed.

Jimmy Buffett should be shipped to a leper colony along with all of his so called "island music".

Any song that features the word "featuring" should be destroyed immediately.

I could go on but I'm still trying to play catch up at work from my vacation...

E. S. Furniss said...

Sorry O.M.O.M., but I'm with TFO all the way in all areas Rush. I could never get past Geddy Lee's voice and there is something about the Rush fanbase I find creepy. They are convinced that each member of the band are vastly superior to anyone who happens to play the same instrument. Keep your Alex Lifeson's and Neal Pearts...give me Keith Richards and Charlie Watts any day of the week.

Jimmy Buffett fans are even worse than his music. In my record store days he was quite popular with the College Greeks....some guy named Biff would always be in the store buying Buffett's best of...Biff always had to tell his friend Sebastian "Man, I love Buffett...he's the greatest." I would always interrupt "how many of his records do you own?" The response was always along the lines of "well, just this one I'm about to buy." I hope Buffett and his audience find their lost shakers of salt in the bowels of hell.

Oh and you are absolutely on about Back in Black..great record but retire it...

TFO said...

I'm just happy that someone agrees with one of my opinions, I was beginning to think that there was something wrong with me. I do agree with the overplaying of some of the song previously mentioned in this post - good tunes but way too much exposure. You could list several Zepplin tunes in that category as well.

"lost shakers of salt in the bowels of hell" - priceless.

E. S. Furniss said...

I can't stand to hear Whole Lotta Love or Stairway to Heaven. Its a major pet peeve of mine when someone has so many songs in their catalog and you're subjected to the same ones over and over. Thank god for Ipods.