Back in business thanks to a government bailout.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Things That Suck...Expanded Edition

I've become kinda lazy when it comes to updating the Things That Suck and Things That Don't Suck feature of the blog. Thought I'd make up for that today.

Does any band suck harder and deeper than Nickelback? Now comes word that Chad Kroeger, the band's lead singer, claims he can gratify himself...orally......just when you thought Nickelback couldn't suck any more than they already do, Kroeger comes out with that revelation. Maybe if they spent more time trying to sound original and writing better songs rather than trying to blow themselves, Nickelback wouldn't be a complete abomination.

Does anything suck more right now than gas prices? Up to $3.45 yesterday and oil prices opened higher today. There is a place in California that is already charging over 5 bucks a gallon now. I'm starting to look over my expenses to see what I can trim to save a few bucks. Right now I have 3 potential budget cuts....smoking, HBO, and Sirius. Of the 3 I think I could live without HBO the easiest. These are incredibly sucky times we live in my friends.

Best Buy really sucks. Their employees are as knowledgeable as the average pre-school class. Their stores are sloppy and their product selection has slipped drastically. Worse than the ill kept stores and idiot employees, is the rudeness of the employees. I can overlook stupidity but rude behavior, not so much. I decided to take my business to Circuit City but their long term outlook looks pretty fact, we might see Sun TV stores rise from the ashes before we Circuit City reemerge as a competitor of Best Buy.

Statistics suck. One in 100 Americans is in prison. One in four teenage girls has an STD. Well, who are the girls getting the STD's from? Are they getting it from teenage girl on girl action or do two in four boys have an STD? We don't know cuz the people who came up with the numbers don't tell us. Meanwhile, if you don't have an STD, odds are you're probably locked up in jail. By those numbers, at least one member of my high school graduating class is probably locked up behind bars. Just one? I thought for sure there would be at least ten of them put away forever. I don't look for anything to change in regards to harsh jail time being issued by the judges. The prison industry is the only industry in America that seems to be growing.

YouTube sucks...or Blogger does...for reasons I cannot determine YouTube vids aren't posting to the blog meaning the S'March of Metal has been knocked off track. I can't seem to figure out what the problem is and the tech support from both ends isn't much help. Gonna spend several hours tonight trying to determine the problem and get it fixed.

The music industry sucks. I think within a couple years you won't see cd's in stores any more. I can't really fault someone like John Mellencamp selling out his music to the auto industry given how unfriendly radio and retail are to artists these days. The Eagles sold a ton of records due to their Wal Mart exclusive. Now comes word Journey will also go the WalMart only route. Paul McCartney went thru Starbucks but given their setbacks I don't think we'll see much more in the way of records from them. I think corporate sponsorship may be the only way music gets heard. I had high hopes for satellite radio but I don't see where they've made major gains in the marketplace. Terrestial radio stopped breaking bands a long time ago.

Here's something that doesn't suck...America's best social satire, South Park, returns to the airwaves tonight with all new episodes.

Blockbuster sucks. After having a membership there for 10 years they asked for a credit card when I rented a couple Nintendo Wii games. When I asked why they said "because with the newer systems if you don't return them we have to have a credit card to bill them to." Hmmm...I if I rented some Playstation 2 games you wouldn't have asked me for a credit card? "Yes sir....we only ask for the Wii, the Xbox 360 and PS3 because of the higher cost of the games." You do realize that Wii games pretty much cost the same as a PS2 game don't you? I mean the difference is 10 bucks at most...."I'm sorry sir its just our policy" Well your policy is stupid and I hate you.

Corporate America has us all by the balls and there is not a damn thing we can do about it....and that sucks.


O.M.O.M. said...

Amen brother. I feel your pain.

I just don't get Nickleback, their music hurts my ear holes. Yet they are have moved more units than any other rock act in the past 5 years. I think America is becoming more dense by the second.

I cut HBO, my home phone and XM radio from my budget six months ago and I do not miss any of them. Next on the chopping block is Rhapsody.

I loathe both Best Buy and Circuit City. Once they run all the mom and pop record shops out of business, they go and shrink their cd inventory. The Mansfield stores used to have wide selections, now all that is left is best-of comps. The record industry cut their own throats by allowing the big boxes to sell cds for cheaper than the independents could buy them.

I'm really sick of getting hosed on a daily basis by corporate america, if I didn't have kids I'd sell everything, cash out my 401k and retirement plans, move to Costa Rica and never return. My bosses brother renounced his citizenship and moved to CR 3 years ago and is living like a king on next to nothing and is happy and content.

TFO said...

I'm gonna have to start riding my bicycle to work - put $20 in yesterday - barely got 1/2 tank...

I cut my home phone a long time ago, but it was for different reasons, people I didn't want to talk to wouldn't stop calling me. I don't miss the extra monthly bill though.

I hate Blockbuster too. Rental fees suck as bad as gas prices and then when you return the movie, the hs. dropout behind the counter doesn't check it back in properly and they send you collection referral warnings (happened twice)

E. S. Furniss said...

I try to shop local whenever I can. If I'm craving a donut, I support my local baker and skip Tim Horton's. God awful grocery stores prices are bringing on some pain too. James McMurtry was right...we can't make it here anymore.

Not only did the big box stores drive out the mom and pop chains, they also took out the chains that exclusively dealt in records. Come back Sam Goody, Coconuts, Peaches, Record and Tape Outlet...all is forgiven.

I've told the wife to quit letting her car warm up for 15 minutes before she leaves for work. Gas prices gonna put a crimp in my usual summer activities...fewer trips to the beach and ballpark. With Germain gone, its gonna have to be a really special show to make the trip to Blossom this year.

I hate to give up the the Bill Maher show, Real Sports and the boxing but I'm gonna have to do something. The Sirius has been a cultural life preserver for me. Without Stern where would I get my pornstars on the sybian? Cutting the home phone isn't an option given the source of my income.

Guess their is only one solution to my money woes...gonna have to set up a crystal meth lab. Maybe run it like if you know of anyone interested in selling for me let me know....(warning...the preceding comment was a satire...protected under the first not prosecute or investigate me...I'm not moving drugs...yet)

kellie said...

My 14 year old decided that Nickleback was extreme cool. I think it was the deep male voice that caught her inch wide attention. Too much Jonas Bros. Makes me want to beat myself in the head with a rock.

I started filching money out of her savings account for the gas tank.I informed her last night we're raising livestock because the grocery bill is killing me. I had the dog butchered today.The copper on the neighbor's air conditioning unit is tempting.

O.M.O.M. said...

Anything Jonas Bros./Naked Bros./High School Musical Bros. related is evil incarnate.

ES, I have to give a big salute to for keeping me up to date on all things Stern. That dude is a machine for keeping his site going on a daily basis like he does.

TFO, back in the vhs days, I had a (now defunct) galion video shop take me to collections for a 4 dollar late fee. I only went there once every 4-5 months and didn't even realize I had a late fee. Once I straighted that mess out I went back to the store, rented a handful of tapes and made sure I paid the 25 cent insurance fee. I then went home and ran the tapes over an old bulk tape eraser left over from my Recording Workshop days, returned them and told the store that next time I have a late fee I'd appreciate a call before screwing with my credit rating.

E. S. Furniss said...

Out of spite, I'm thinking of siphoning gas outta the tanks of the dr's Hummers parked at the hospital. One of their tanks oughta fill up up both of my rides.

High prices, lack of funds...all gonna lead to an explosion in crime if ya ask me. That will lead to the building of more prisons. We'll need someone to build them and to watch over the criminals. Before ya know it, it'll be just like Escape from New York. Maybe we'll get lucky and apes will take over. God knows they wouldn't be any worse at running the country than Bush.

Gonna have to use my whole tax incentive check in may just to pay for gas this summer.

E. S. Furniss said...

OMOM...Naked Brothers band are the progeny of a cast member of 30 something and the band leader from Arsenio Hall....someone sterilize Timothy Busfield before more of these Satan's spawns spew their filth into the ears of our tweens and teens. Don't forget Hannah Montana...Billy Ray Cyrus should have been publicly executed for Achy Breaky Heart anyway.

I never had to fight with a video store over a returned flick but I did go thru the same thing with the Marion Public Library a few years back over a copy of the Trouser Press Record Guide. They were sending me the collections letters until one day in a fit of rage I stormed in, grabbed the book of their shelves, thru it on the counter and said "there's your damn book." They corrected it on the spot and apologized for their error but till this day I still masturbate all over their Stephen King books when I go to the library.

I've done enough to damage my credit on my own..don't need their help.

TFO said...

whenever i see a person driving a hummer, i just want to run them off the road. unfortunately, my vehicle isn't big or powerful enough to push a vehicle of that size into a ditch....
oh, the sad irony

TFO said...

note to self: do NOT check out any books from the library.

E. S. Furniss said...'re fine unless you're checking out Stephen King books. I singled him out due to his popularity.

My OCD now keeps me from checking out books from the library, buying used cds and such....I will rent movies from Blockbuster but will not handle them. I refuse to rent porn because you know those SOB's don't wash their hands before ejecting the DVD and putting it back in the box.

God damn Hummers...I wish my car came equipped with passenger side bazookas to blast them to hell. Nothing tells the world you have an incredibly tiny penis like a Hummer.

kellie said...

And what's up with the woman's hummer? I was beside on on Center St Monday. I resented the amount of space it took up and of course there was only 1 occupant. Smacked of the new parents that race rape ape to the dealership to buy a van because they now have 1 kid.

TFO said...

Giant, gas guzzling cars, road rage, and tiny penises...where has this conversation gone? I don't think I'm ever going to blockbuster or the library ever fact, I think I'll start wearing latex gloves whenever I leave my apartment.

Speaking of porn and penises...Ron Jeremy turns 55 today. Do you think he could pull off a Chad Kroeger if he didn't have such a beer gut?

E. S. Furniss said...

I'm bummed cuz I've missed out on two chances to meet Ron Jeremy this year alone. Its not every day you get to meet one of the 2,000 men who nailed Christy Canyon on film. He is the Oliver of his genre and a great American.

Did you know that the Hedgehog was a special ed teacher before he became an adult film star? Think of all the tards he helped. Jeremy has claimed in his youth he could pull a Kroeger. Why would you want to?

Wasn't it in Mallrats where Jason Lee said his cousin died doing that to himself? FUNNY.

I swear its like we're in a time machine back to the early 70's. Our cities are run down, we're waiting in line for gas, fighting a stupid war, lame music on the radio (Jack Johnson is the new Gordon Lightfoot)...all we need is Kojak on tv and Shaft at the movies.

TFO said...

Wasn't there a rumor that Marylin Manson had two of his ribs removed so he could pull a Kroeger? I would think that if youre a rock star, you wouldnt have to do that even if you could...youre a ROCKSTAR. Look at all the ugly azz frontmen and the number chicks theyve nailed... Gene Simmons is one hideous freak of nature.

I think it was first referenced in "Clerks" - broke his neck in the process.

You know what we need - a ragtag group of hockey players to save the day!

E. S. Furniss said...

Speaking of rag tag hockey players...the Blue Jackets held a press conference today to announce that Rick Nash has been named team captain. He follows such great players as Adam Foote, Luke Richardson, and I think Kevin Dineen....there was another one but I can't remember who...Ray Whitney maybe?

You're right...Clerks was the source of the story. Mallrats was the one about the gerbil in the ass and the cousin going to get a cat to chase it out.

I think the Marilyn Manson story is akin to the infamous Rod Stewart semen story. An urban legend. I think most men, if able to pull a Kroeger, would never leave the house. They'd be at home all contorted....snorkeling like Jacques Cousteau.

TFO said...

I think Jaroslav Spacek was another captain - not sure though. I didn't think they were going to announce a new captain until next year. Hopefully, the bad luck will change as there has been an aura of bad luck associated with the captain position on this team - kinda like the Sports Illustrated Cover curse.

Spending the day at home with a Kroeger-like ability might just come in handy these days given that there is nothing good on TV anymore...

E. S. Furniss said...

Spacek was there when Richardson was so I don't think it was him. I believe Whitney ws the first, followed by Dineen, then Richardson, Foote and Nash. If history is our guide, being captain of the CBJ is worse than being captain of the least that dude only hit the ice once and sank. The Jackets do that 84 times a season...ZING.

Kinda gives new meaning to the ad slogan of "going Kroegering" doesn't it? I bet you Pepe the Penguin could blow himself too.

TFO said...

That does give new about the "self checkout" would make the next shopping trip quite interesting.

TFO said...

you know, we could probably go back and forth all day long with that...

E. S. Furniss said...

Sorta like a Kevin Smith joke by itself isn't it? That dude never gets laid...yeah, he's stuck in the self checkout lane...

kellie said...

so THATS why the cashies snickered when they gave those "I've been..." to the kids