Back in business thanks to a government bailout.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Its Prediction Time

So here we are...the year is at its end. The start of a new year means a lot of things but what it offers more than anything is hope. Hope that the new year is better than the one before. My friends I have one major reason to look forward to 2008...the end of the Bush presidency. I was convinced nothing would ever suck as badly as Yo MTV Raps, but Dubya made a believer out of me.

Here are somethings you can take to the bank for 2008:

Sports Predictions:

The Cleveland Browns back into the NFL playoffs and knock off the Steelers in Pittsburgh. They put a scare into the New England Patriots the following week but the Patriots prevail despite Tom Brady being injured.

With Brady out of the line up the 18-0 Patriots fall to the Dallas Cowboys in the Super Bowl.

Ohio State is embarrassed again in the National Title game which results in a state wide boycott of sweater vests. Jim Tressel leaves to coach the Cincinnati Bengals.

The Cincinnati Reds continue to play like a Triple A team while the Indians fail to recapture last years magic and miss the playoffs. C.C. Sabathia leaves in free agency.

The Cleveland Cavaliers fail to make the playoffs. LeBron James demands to be traded.

The Columbus Blue Jackets fail to make the Stanley Cup playoffs. People in Columbus are too busy burning sweater vests to notice.

Entertainment Predictions:

The Hollywood writers strike lasts all year. America forgets about Dr. House, the castaways of Lost and all the other scripted fare thanks to a slate of mind numbing reality shows like Lets Count Britney's Pubes, The Drunkard, Whats in my Stool?, and Who Want's to Win a Midget?

Rocklahoma is such a success, the state of Oklahoma legally changes its name to Rocklahoma.

American Idol crowns its first transsexual winner.

J. J. Abrams Star Trek becomes the top grossing box office film of the year. Zachary Quinto's performance as Spock wins the hearts of the nation. Men and women begin having their ears surgically altered to resemble the Vulcan.

Desperate for programming, ABC launches a puppet version of NYPD Blue.

A bunch of rappers with names like Casio and Commodore 64 get arrested.

Other Predictions:

After the election is again contested, the next President is decided in a coin flip by Larry King. After losing to Hillary Clinton, Mike Huckabee goes to the Supreme Court demanding a best out of 3.

KFC is rocked by a scandal when its found that its recipe was actually created by a man in Alabama.

Sears and Kmart close their doors forever.

Snorting milk duds becomes the rage among the nations youth.

An opera record becomes the top selling album of the year.

McDonalds test a new sandwich in the south "McSquirrel"

And finally, this blog will be read by more than 5 people a day....

That's all I have for this year kids. Thanks for stopping by. I hope to do better in 2008. I'll ring in the new year by clubbing a hobo with a watching an apple drop.

1 comment:

kellie said...

With the supposedly contained wild cats being in the news, will Columbus have another round of lion sightings?