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Thursday, November 1, 2007

A World Without TV

We live in uncertain times my friends. A writers strike threatens to shut down production on all your favorite script as early as tomorrow. Here's the latest on the dispute:,0,1525738.story?coll=la-home-center

There is a solution to this conflict Hollywood producers....ME. I would be more than happy to revisit some classic television shows with my own twist.....dirt cheap too. For instance...I'd reimagine the Love Boat as The Love Boat 2399. Set in the future, the Pacific Princess is now taking its guests for romantic trips throughout the galaxy. The ships captain has an uncanny resemblance to Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama. Again Alice would feature Linda Lavin returning to her role as Alice Whatsherface but instead of working as a waitress at Mel's Diner she owns it. Mel is long since dead (as is Flo, an AIDS victim) but Vera is still around. She's a homeless person who comes into Alice's Restaurant (as its now known) to provide comic relief. Another Day at a Time features the return of Bonnie Franklin to series television as divorcee Ann Romano who is now retiree Ann Romano. This sitcom is set in a nursing home for gays and lesbians in Florida where Mizz Romano is joined by Schneider, who doesn't realize everyone in the home is gay.

I'd also take advantage of my friends and exploit their lives on the small screen...For instance...there would be Unky Rory P.I. in which our hero solves crimes by day and designs Catholic school girl uniforms by night (or maybe the other way around). TFO in da House! stars our beloved TFO as a former hockey player who opens his home to some wayward black children. Finally O.M.O.M. & the MILF's stars the King of Metal in a modern day variety show broadcasting live from MidOhio's version of the Playboy Mansion, the Beer Cave. The house band would be none other than American Dog.

Honestly, are my shows really any dumber than Kid Nation or Are You Smarter than my Penis?

Somehow I don't think this is gonna bring male tourists to least straight male tourists....Come to Dubai where its legal to rape another man!

I'm not sure I understand exactly how this works but it looks pretty darn cool:

Any show that has Eliza Dushku in it is must see tv for me:

If you didn't think the South Park Imaginationland trilogy was amazing, you have no soul or sense of humor:

Thank Jebus this Star Trek flick never got made:

The truth is out there....the X Files movie comes out in July:

Dog the Bounty Hunter hates black people:

This KISS Makeup commercial is great!:

If you wondered how that Ace Frehley show went the other night, wonder no more:

Johnny Rotten explains why the Sex Pistols have returned again...any reason other than "money" is a lie:

Why does anyone who comes in contact with the Ramones end up dead?:

Now this is funny's a list of the worst sports nicknames...I hope the Butte Pirates are a team in Dubai:

72 points in the first quarter? Them Kansas kids know how to play football:

That Jon Kitna is quite the jokester for an evangelical isn't he?:

Don't look now but your Columbus Blue Jackets are good...real good:

I'm off to write up some tv scripts...I have an idea about a man and a talking car....I'm thinking of calling it The Man and the Talking Car.

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