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Thursday, October 4, 2007

On Death and Funky Winkerbean

Well, Tom Baituk ya horrible bastard you. You killed off Lisa Moore. Just couldn't help yourself could ya? Its not enough that there is death all throughout my newspaper now its reach hits the funny pages...again. Oh you don't think I've forgotten (or forgiven) when you murdered John Darling did ya? Or that you took whatsherface's arm in that drunk driving accident? Or that you made Funky a raging drunk? Why must you continue to force reality down our throats Mr. Batiuk? More importantly, Mr. Batiuk, why do you hate Les Moore so much to make him suffer? Weren't the decades of being a geek punishment enough? Now you make him a widower and single father. Couldn't you have killed off that selfish bitch Cindy Summers instead? Teach the kids that being self involved doesn't pay or something but had to kill the good, warm and decent Lisa Moore.

Its not just you Mr. Batiuk. In todays For Better or Worse the Grandpa has ANOTHER stroke. The poor bastard was left mute by the last one. Does that Canuck woman hate the Grandpa as much as you hate Les Moore? So much reality was in the comics section today that I expected to find the lost Peanuts strip where Charlie Brown has to have Snoopy put to sleep. I expected to see Beetle Bailey and Sarge wiped out by insurgents in Iraq. Fortunately Sally Forth isn't getting divorced, long suffering single Cathy hasn't picked up an STD and Mary Worth isn't advising a friend to commit suicide. Thanks for the reminder Mr. Batiuk that there's no escape from the real world and that bad things happen to good people. Did you have to tell Lisa Moore's story so damn well tho? I just hope now that you've killed his wife you leave Les alone for awhile. Don't have his home foreclosed on, don't have his daughter get kidnapped or reveal that for all these years he was a closeted homosexual (cuz we all know that's Bull). You've proven your point by killing off Lisa Mr. go make me laugh for a little while.

More death...long time dj Tawn Mastery died from hepatitis C. If you grew up on hair metal Tawn Mastery was legendary to you. From KNAC to Pirate Radio to more recently Hair Nation on Sirius, Mastery was perhaps the best friend that genre of music ever had. Metal Sludge has reposted their 2001 20 questions interview with her here:

I've got a raging case of Indians fever today. Bring on the Yankees. First pitch is 637pm. TBS is the place to watch it (I'm gonna have Hammy and Hegan on the radio too). The kids over at the Diatribe ( have all bases of the ALDS covered.

Family Guy is getting sued:

Is Jay Leno moving to Fox?

Follow the development of the new Indiana Jones movie:,0,4413222.story?coll=la-home-entertainment

(Bet you wish your name was) Hung is the winner of Top Chef:

Spin, the magazine that once featured the photographic stylings of our friend OMOM, has dedicated their latest issue to the year 1977 when punk and a little show called the Love Boat ruled the earth:

Get your Johnny Cash Xmas specials on DVD:

It must suck to be Mick Jagger....suck all the way to the bank:

Mr. Potato Head is behind bars for being a drug mule:

These are good times for long suffering (sarcasm) Colorado Rockies fans:

Why can't Ohio State graduate its male athletes?:

Have a swell day kids...GO TRIBE!


TFO said...

I knew there was something fishy about that damn Mr. Potato Head. Think about it...what kind of criminal alias is "Mr. Potato Head" anyway? You know the dude was up to no good. You'd think people would know better by now that crammin' drugs up your *ss and trying sneak into the country always leads to an arrest, then the scandal, then the disappointment of many loyal, adoring fans. That sonofab*tch! I say, Fry his *ss!!! or bake it, or mash it, or put sour cream on it, or put it into a salad.....

E. S. Furniss said...

In related news, Mrs. Potato Head is now on a no fly list and is shopping her memoirs of life with a drug kingpin. Mr. Potato Head...Drug Mule...what next? Pornstar Barbie? Don't Ask Don't Tell GI Joe?

TFO said...

Hey, perhaps one of the reasons that OSU's athlete graduation rate is so low is that our athletes are stupid. We got back-up QBs who get busted for trying to buy street p*ssy. Or, how about a running back that ends up in prison on weapons charges. I think the percentage might even be lower if so many of the athletes didn't go onto pro sports. I could be wrong, who knows. Or, perhaps another reason is that they are in cahoots with Mr. Potato Head.

E. S. Furniss said...

Now thats funny....There are plenty of former Buckeye players who now call our humble white trash (non) mountain town home...Stanley Jackson and now Pepe Pearson the new head coach of your Marion Mayhem. If memory serves, didn't Stanley get busted with pot when Cooper was coach?

TFO said...

I could find nothing on Jackson's alleged marijuana use during his days under Cooper. However, since Stanley played in Canada and now is QBing a CIFL team - maybe he was and still is tokin' the magic smoke! What's up with former OSU players coming Marion - is that where the "road to nowhere" leads? Or, is Marion the new Valhalla for former Buckeyes.

E. S. Furniss said...

Who can forget former Buckeye Marco Cooper's 2006 drug related arrest here? Of course, Marco recently had his convinction tossed but that doesn't erase his local contribution.

TFO said...

Ahh, the pristine, rich history of Marion...

TFO said...

Hey what do you think the odds are that when Maurice gets out, he'll come here to play too?

O.M.O.M. said...

Hell, I thought Marion was the new Mexico, I didn't realize the OSU pipeline ran here. I'm thinking it's Pop Wylie's old tyme corner store that brings 'em to town.

My wife and Mom shake their heads when my Dad and I delve into Funky Winkerbean talk after beer number four, sister Jen even joins in the convo when she's in town. We think Baituk is a miserable old SOB with a drinking problem and that's why he constantly throws trauma into the strip.

As far as For Better or Worse, I refuse to read a canadian comic strip unless they name drop Golden Earring, Rush and Loverboy at least once a week.